Mannequin
My faded denim blues are mute
And muted, like orange suits,
Nibbled by hungry prisoners;
Niebla. Lo siento madre.
Everyone looks the same,
Queues of shop window mannequins, but,
Under the skin
I am different. The judges arbitrate like lunch time ladies,
No comprende. There are no understandings.
An acrostic poem crafted using a pattern of rules. Credit to Cadi and Lava for inspiration.
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Canary word: Present
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Here to review!
I am taking a gander at poems. I'm new at poems, and i don't really like reviewing them, but I want to try once more and see how it feels.
I like this poem a lot, even though I don't understand some of the second language stuff. It is really deep, porbably like most of your poems, so I really don't need to say that, but I did anyway!
I am thinking that this poem is about a trial. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but orange jump suits and the judges parts seemed to really stand out about me.
For me, reviewing a poem is about giving your opinion on what the poem is about to give the poet a different view about their work. So that's what I am gonna do.
For me, this poem is all about being different from the status quo. Even with all these things going against them, this person is trying to be different, not be defiant, just for his/her own personal difference.
I hope I have given you a different insight to this poem. I really like it.
Thanks,
Omniyus.
You're spot on, it is about a trial. Very nice catch there and thank you for the comments, it's always useful to know how someone has interpreted it!
-friendly princess wave-
Kitty!
I love acrostics, like a nostalgic childhood macNcheese staple, yumness. Immediately, I am liking the sounds here, the blues and the mutes and the suits, and the break into spanish kinda work together nice.
My biggest complaint with this is that when you're doing something compact, each word needs to strike as anvils and ring with a reverbation of power and image and meaning. Maybe I expect too much :3 So, when you have "denim" and "blues" I'll give it to ya, but then mute? It's like saying a piano is an instrument, or a rainbow is bright. I feel like I'm missing something here.
The next line I can dig, because I can see how they can be "muted" in the sense that it is washed and faded, but the orange suits just contradict that entire thought process. I really feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle here, and when I get to the end I'm wondering if that was the point all along. But then I feel cheated, like reading a story or watching a movie only to realize that the entire novel or the entire 2hour theatrical fare was a dream all along, it's like "oh the meaning of this is that there is no meaning" kind of thing.
I'm wondering if the mannequin is the speaker all along? That would be kind of neat. At first I felt as though the speaker comments upon mannequins, but that "unde the skin / I am different" line kind of implies that the speaker belongs to this group of mannequins, and if so, I like that much better, because then it brings context to the oranges suits/prisoners line that I at first felt came out of nowhere/random. But I still dunno where the spanish comes into it, unless there's some assumed knowledge that mannequins are made in mexico or something.
...
Then again. If there is such knowledge, then this is genius
~ as always, Audy
Thank you Audy!
The Spanish is there because of Niebla being in chat at the time I was writing and me being stuck for inspiration. I should probably have added a shout out to Niebla in that list as well. But then I really liked the sound of it and I liked that it gave this persona a very distinct individuality which contrasted with the idea that everyone is the same.
The title 'Mannequin' was less an actual mannequin and more a way of defining humanity and the question of whether we're trying too hard to create a world where everyone must conform and where if you don't, you're immediately wrong and you're thrown on the scrap heap.
The speaker's a troubled youth who's about to be sent down for something they feel they had no control over/ don't feel was wrong which is where the prisoners came in and the fixation on clothes and colours. I was trying to suggest that the prisoners' orange suits are muted because society tucks them away into a corner and that's who they are and they no longer stand out as individuals or have a voice, but become a collective who the majority of society don't care about. This persona fears that happening to him and feels already like his denims are marking him out as the 'wrong' sort. Because I was thinking he's someone who doesn't have a fancy suit or a fast-talking lawyer.
But it's of course open to interpretation so maybe none of these themes exist at all