I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, the room was dark. I sat up, still dizzy from my sleep and felt around the walls, blindly looking around for the light switch. When I found it, i flicked it on and groaned as the sudden bright light stung my eyes. With my hand over my eyes, I opened the door slowly and clumped down the stairs, half asleep.
"Mom?" I called, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I looked around, slightly confused when it remained silent. I walked to the kitchen a little more awake now. After a second of standing in the kitchen like a statue, I spotted and bright pink sticky on the refrigerator. I walked closer to read it.
Jane,
I went to drop your grandmother off at her house. She decided to be alone tonight. I will be back late.
My grandmother's house was two hours away! Why would my mother even bother. I shook my head trying to understand. Suddenly, I felt a chill and every thing seem to...stop. I peaked at the clock to see it's time and realized it had stopped ticking. I shivered at the sudden cold and looked around to find the open window only to find every window closed. That was when I heard a big boom from upstairs.
I ran to the stairs then froze, deciding whether to call the police or investigate. I waited in the silence then with a sigh I made my way up the stairs.
************************************************
My door was closed and stood just outside from my room. I heard some whispering and, I was not sure what else I heard, but I think they were bells, soft, high bells. I also heard a lot of shush-ing. With a deep breath I threw open the door. My room was empty and the window was wide open. EVerything was suddenly quiet.
I slowly and cautiously walk to the center of my room and turned a full circle. My room was quite messy, but I saw no one. Suddenly, I heard a whoosh from behind me. I whirled around and stared out the open window. I just stood there, sure that I saw a streak of light . I shivered, then quickly shut the window. I jumped to the sudden loudnesss of of the clocks then laughed to myself.
What just happened? I wondered as I glanced out the window again. I sighed as ooked away from my window thinking about nothing.
Then I decided to clean up a little and scowled at my messy room. I picked up some scattered clothes aroung my bed and stuffed them in my drawers. Then I put books in a pile on top od a small round table. I looked around the room and grunted as I fell onto my bed, giving up on making my room any cleaner.
Playing with my fingers, bored to death, I looked at the clock and was surprised to see in it was only six pm. I closed my eyes, and just decided to daydream since i had nothing else to do and was not tired enough to sleep.
_______________________________
I know it is short, but I will fix it later
End of chapter
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
After reading this chapter, I realized that this really is a fanfiction of Peter Pan. It was a little unexpected, but I kind of like this retake on the classic story and now I am wondering where you are planning to go with this. I don't think you published any other chapters of this story, and now I feel a little disappointed, because I really would have loved to read more of this story. Now, let's get into the review!
I wonder if the narrator's grandmother was upset enough to want to go back to her house or if the narrator's mother was angry enough to not want her at her house. Either ways, I think it is obvious that the other members of the family are aware of what is going on. They don't believe the narrator's grandmother and refuse to believe in the existence of such fairy tales. I can understand their disbelief and their exasperated irritation at her grandmother's strong faith in this matter. But at the same time, it makes me wonder if the grandmother and the grand daughter are the only ones who got to be a part of this world, and if they did, then why?
Oh, and also you are missing a question mark after 'bother'.
There are actually quite a few typos in this chapter and they often get in the way of the narration. You can get rid of them easily enough with a few edits, so no there's no need to worry about that. I am going to point out a few of them for you:
The 'and' does not really make sense in the structure of this sentence, that is, unless you missed a word. However, even then, I think it doesn't fit well with the sentence and I would suggest you to rewrite it as: "After a second of standing in the kitchen like a statue, I spotted a bright pink sticky on the refrigerator."
The 'seem' will be 'seemed' here. The story is set in the past and you cannot really switch to the present tense without any reason like that. It confuses the readers and disrupts the flow of the story as they spend a moment trying to understand what happened to warrant such a change. Also, nice description to get the readers on the edge of their seats. Your really managed to create an environment here where the tension was very much evident in the air.
You presented two contradicting statements in this single sentence and its a little confusing because the readers do not know what to imagine in their mind. Either there is an open window or every window in the room in closed. Pick one and stick with it. You need to clarify the meaning of this sentence because it wasn't very clear and you could have meant something else entirely.
Again, there's two contradicting tenses in the same sentence. It is even more difficult to get through the sentence because the reader is more easily confused by two opposite tenses placed so close to each other. They don't know which to focus on and it again disturbs the flow of the story.
You are missing an 'l' in 'looked'. Its a typo, I guess, but no harm done here.
Overall, this was an interesting continuation of the story. The whooshing sound in the room and the golden light all point suspiciously to Tinkerbell from the story. Its interesting how you have recreated this sentence from the original story.
Keep writing and have a great day!