Finally! School is over!I thought, smiling as I wriggled into my coat.
I ran outside and let out a gasp as I saw slow flakes as big as my palm and softer and lighter than a feather spiral down around me. I caught one in my hand and watched it melt from the warmth of my hand. Laughing, I ran out of the school grounds and all the way to my house. People glanced my way time to time, but I ignored them and continued to do whatever I felt.
When I reached my house, I stomped my feet to get all the snow off before entering my house.
"Mom, I'm home!" I called. I heard quick footsteps make their way towards me. The my mother came into view, her cheeks bright from the heat from cooking.
"How was school?" asked mother as she motioned me to follow her into the kitchen.
"Interesting," I said not really into it. My mother gave me a look, but i ignored it.
"Did you see the snow! They are big this year!" I exclaimed. I ran towards the closed windows and undid the latch as I threw it open. The wind blew in some snowflakes and my mother caught one between her fingers as it melted instantly. She smiled.
"Why, they are. Bigger this year than the last!" said mother as she stared at the swirling snowflakes outside. I shivered and quickly closed the windows, closing the latch tightly. I smiled at my mother as she still seemed dazed. Unconsciously, I scratched my head and the wig came loose. Mother looked at me sadly.
"You can keep that off. We are not expecting any visitors tonight," said my mother as she went back to here cooking. I held the wig in my hands as I walked up the stairs slowly. I entered my dark room and saw that the window was closed. I went to open it not thinking and threw the white wig on my bed. I opened the latch and with the force of the wind, the windows sprang open. I jumped back in surprise as the snow blew into my room and making me shiver. I quickly made my way towards the windows then froze. From the window of a house across the street, I spotted a boy, about my age, staring at me with wide eyes. I looked towards the bed realizing I was not wearing my wig.
End of chapter
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139,365 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hi Pawprint,
. Hope this helps.
Most of what I saw was minor typo's e.g. missing a space, "I" not capitalized. Also, since in your dialog your using "Mother" as a name, you should capitalize it.
I caught one in my hand and watched it melt from the warmth of my hand.
I don't think it's necessary to say "the warmth of my hand". Just saying from the warmth should be enough I think.
Overall, it's a very nice start to a story. I'm looking forward to reading more
Falcon_Ablaze
Interesting.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
:D
Also, wouldn't the mother be worried if her daughter just threw open the window in the winter?? 
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
I ran outside and let out a gasp as I saw slow flakes as big as my palm and softer and lighter than a feather spiral down around me.
This sounds a little odd. Good imagery, just needs to be reworded.
"Did you see the snow! They are big this year!" I exclaimed. I ran towards the closed windows and undid the latch as I threw it open. The wind blew in some snowflakes and my mother caught one between her fingers as it melted instantly. She smiled
The dialogue is a little odd.
"You can keep that off. We are not expecting any visitors tonight," said my mother as she went back to here cooking. I held the wig in my hands as I walked up the stairs slowly. I entered my dark room and saw that the window was closed. I went to open it not thinking and threw the white wig on my bed. I opened the latch and with the force of the wind, the windows sprang open. I jumped back in surprise as the snow blew into my room and making me shiver. I quickly made my way towards the windows then froze. From the window of a house across the street, I spotted a boy, about my age, staring at me with wide eyes. I looked towards the bed realizing I was not wearing my wig
BOMBOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have her walk towards the window twice.
Overall, very sweet, very cute. Not exactly what I expected. It sounds rather normal. Don't worry, I like it that way. I like magical worlds being something that is unexpected
I know it is short, but I will fix it later.