(Can someone request a list if good titles?)

“Bookworm,”

I looked up from my book then frowned. Standing in front of my desk, a little distance away, was Clarke. Her hands were on her hips and she had a nasty smirk on her face. I looked back down at my book trying to ignore her as her smirk grew nastier. I tried to ignore her high heels clicking against the white tiles as she walked closer.

I tried to ignore her hideous giggle as she leaned against my desk, but I could not ignore her when she grabbed the book from out of my hands. My head snapped up to see her juggling my book between her hands as she looked right at me.

"Give it back," I whispered, trying to make my voice sound dangerous. Unfortunately, I sounded like a lost girl. Clarke let out a short laugh.

"This?" she asked holding it out as she raised an amused eyebrow. I stood up for a second, my hands clenched into fists. Then I lunged for it as a surprise. She stepped back easily a she examined my book.

"You're reading Shakespeare?" she asked with a snort. I glared at her as he flipped through the book with a bored expression.

"I bet this book is as boring as you," she stated, smiling to herself. That is when I snatched the book from her hands and went to sit at my desk. She looked up surprised for the slightest second then smiled evilly.

"Enjoy, Bookworm," she said sarcastically and walked away as Ms. White, my homeroom teacher came waltzing in. She hung her scarf and jacket on her the back of her chair and examined the room with a big smile.

"Well it looks like everyone is here so you may as well go to class early," she said while fluffing her hair. I hurried out of the room as those words escaped her lips. Shaking off the cold feeling of Clarke's stare, I took out my books for my first period. As I did so, I threw the Shakespeare book to the back of my locker then frowned. I reached in, took out my book, and placed towards the front. I scuttled towards my class as I saw Clarke pass my locker, seeming to stop for the slightest second in front of my locker before she disappeared behind the crazy crowd of kids.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

I gathered my books from under my chair and prepared to leave when Ms. Larter stopped me. I waited by her side as she waited for the rest of my classmates to leave to close the door.

“Jena,” started Ms. Larter as she closed the door with a soft thud.

“I am sorry to hear that you are moving. I know that the book project is due next week, but since you will be gone by then you might as well not do it at all.”

I stared at her in disbelief. Who said I was moving?

“Ms. Larter, I think you misunderstood. I am not moving anytime soon.” I told her a little unsure of myself. Ms. Later gave me a puzzled expression.

“That’s strange. I received an email from your mother explaining this event,” replied Ms. Larter. I stared at her as my head started to spin. My mother never told me about this. My confusion turned into anger as I got the hang of it. I straightened up.

“Oh, I must have forgotten,” I said a little too stiffly as I swiftly turned to go. From the corner of my eye, I saw her shake her head in understanding as I left.

“Why, you’re bright red!” exclaimed Mara as she popped out from nowhere. I rolled my eyes at her improving British accent. I remained silent as I opened my locker.

“So what did Ms. Larter want with you?” Mara asked. Instead of answering, I gasped. My book was gone. It was not there. I stayed motionless for a while as Mara stared at me.

“What?” she asked, taking a peak of my locker.

“Well, it looks pretty neat to me, but since you are such a neat person I bet it looks quite a mess to you,” she said in her British accent. She did not get it.

“No it’s not that! My book is gone! Someone stole it!” I said. I tried to remember what I did with it. I remember putting it in my locker towards the front and then I saw Clarke passing…

“It was Clarke who stole it! I’m sure of it!” I blurted out. Mara jumped in surprise then looked serious.

“Clarke stole it? Are you sure? What am I asking! Of course she did!” Mara said, hitting herself on her head lightly, punishing herself. I smiled. I will definitely get it back by lunch.

“Be ready at lunch,” I said simply. Mara understood as we hurried in opposite directions to our next class.

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
BigBadBear
Review

Hey! Paw, you are a fantastic writer! I haven't read very much of your writing, so I will be now. Every story I have read of yours has been really great.

Your characters were really realistic, and that is always good. The teacher though, she could be worked on. I had an easy time imagining the girls, but the teacher was harder. Maybe say what class she taught?

Anyway, this is really good! I can't wait to read more!

I'm off to read more!


BBB

Nice one! You're characters are interesting and quite fun already, I can really relate to Jena, and Clarke reminds me of a lot of people I used to know in school... Mara practicing her British accent made me smile. Characterization seems to be a big strong point for you, I already feel that I'm interested in each member of the cast. You might want to give the story a quick once-over, try t clean up some of the repetition. Chunks like this:

As I did so, I threw the Shakespeare book to the back of my locker then frowned. I reached into my locker, took out my book, and placed towards the front of my locker. I scuttled towards my class as I saw Clarke pass my locker, seeming to stop for the slightest second in front of my locker before she disappeared behind the crazy crowd of kids.


would run a lot smoother if you'd subtsitute "locker" out with a pronoun every once in awhile, it's a little jarring to read the word "locker" over and over.

Lovely start, looking forward to more!

Hi, Pawprint! I love your writing and I'm always eager to read more. For this story, I agree with Gwen that you repeated words a lot, like in that certain paragraph where you said "locker" every other word. But I love the name Clarke for a girl, and I think it's funny how Mara's practicing her British accent. (I myself am an accent fanatic.)

For a working title, why not call it "Bookworm?"

Keep writing, 'cuz I wanna keep reading!

User avatar
Gwenevire
Review

There is some very nice ideas in this story. But you repeated allot of the same words over and over again in the same little area. It sounds odd when you read the same word over and over again. Also you need to tell us more about your main character. The day moves by pretty fast, maybe you should slow it down a bit and put a little more detail in this Clarke person. I liked it. So please PM me as soon as you've continued it (If you are planning to do that)

Nice work! Just read it over and you might catch my drift!

~ Gwenevire

User avatar
FlyingDream
Review

I liked this. I could relate to "Bookworm". Your characters are very believable, so that's very very good. It would be nice if you spaced this out a bit.

Example:

“Bookworm,”

I looked up from my book then frowned. Standing in front of my desk, a little distance away, was Clarke. Her hands were on her hips and she had a nasty smirk on her face. I looked back down at my book trying to ignore her as her smirk grew nastier. I tried to ignore her high heels clicking against the white tiles as she walked closer.

I tried to ignore her hideous giggle as she leaned against my desk, but I could not ignore her when she grabbed the book from out of my hands. My head snapped up to see her juggling my book between her hands as she looked right at me.


That looks a lot better than this:



“Bookworm,”
I looked up from my book then frowned. Standing in front of my desk, a little distance away, was Clarke. Her hands were on her hips and she had a nasty smirk on her face. I looked back down at my book trying to ignore her as her smirk grew nastier. I tried to ignore her high heels clicking against the white tiles as she walked closer.
I tried to ignore her hideous giggle as she leaned against my desk, but I could not ignore her when she grabbed the book from out of my hands. My head snapped up to see her juggling my book between her hands as she looked right at me.


The Pros of Your Story:
Good descriptions and dialogue. Also: Nice pacing.

The Cons of Your Story: Your beginning didn't really hook me. Again, try spacing it out.

Otherwise, nicely done. I'm excited to see more.

FlyingDream

User avatar
Pawprint
Comment

I know there are gramatical erros, but I don't have time to fix all of them right now...



Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.
— Adrian Mitchell