z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Across It All

by Nike


 I got this whole ramble of writing after watching La La Land, which, by the way, is an amazing movie. I continued to listen to the music at home, and this came about. I have no idea what it is, but it's that. Tell me what you think.

***

I saw it from across the room. Across the world. Across all the ponds, the oceans, and the lakes in between. I felt it in my body, clinging to each part of me. My breath wasn't enough for me to feel alive until this moment. All the people around me faded to black. And all the seas, the swamps, and the rivers faded as well.

My skin not only tingled. It burned. It felt every stroke the air took on it. I could feel the warmth growing in me, encompassing my chest.

As I shut my eyes, I let my imagination run. All I saw was him and I. Running, running as far as we could from all the past. Forgetting who we were before we met, as if that never mattered.

And it didn't, did it?

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25 Reviews

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Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:08 am
voiceofdragons wrote a review...



Well I gotta say I haven't watched La La Land, but I'm happy it inspired you.

I like the effect of the repetition with the word "across". I like less so the repetition of the words "(and) all the," because it doesn't seem purposefully done.

"My skin not only tingled." Strikes me as a dependent sentence despite the words after it completing the thought. Maybe try a colon as a separator instead of a period?

All in all it's a sweet little drabble. Makes me think of young love and running off to elope.

Sweet read.




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485 Reviews

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Wed Feb 15, 2017 4:25 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



I can not tell I have heard about this movie before, which makes a review upon it pretty hard, but your way of expressing the surroundings of the narratives is amazing and it makes me interested in the movie itself. No edits can be possibly made over the writing as your grammar and all that other jazz we could talk about here is totally splending.

Maybe I am not right about this but I think it is a love story maybe? I can not still really tell, I need to check the movie itself. You said you had no idea what this writing of yours is exactly and I can see why but maybe it is just a short moment of the movie or just what you memorized the best of it.

Anyways, enough with my useless mumbling. I took a long break and writing reviews is now a thing I need to slowly get into doing again. I was just throwing a positive note.

Thanks for the attention and a good write.





Your presence can give happiness. I hope you remember that.
— Jin, BTS