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12+

Regret

by Nike


‘I’m not sure how I feel about being your best friend after this…’

The calm that was within me during the passed day has suddenly collapsed, causing tears to spring from my eyes. Memories of him flooded my head, as if I didn’t have a life before.

‘This was my relationship. We broke up. You weren’t in any way a part of it. I’m hurt. I’m confused. Don’t make this about you.’ I replied to the chat.

My phone felt helpless as my so called best friend kept texting me about my very recent breakup with the only man I’ve ever loved. Making it about herself.

I was in disbelief as I read those words over and over. Doesn’t know if she can’t be my bestie after I dated him? What’s wrong? Why? Because he was the opposite of you? He was right while you were left? He was religious while you were not? What does that matter to you? That’s my relations— not anymore.

Tears welled up once more as I started to remember past romances.

‘It’s a fling have fun!’

‘He’s not right for you…’

‘You deserve better’

‘Fuck and go dude, you’re young.’

Each guy had to be a not serious relationship for her to support me in anyway. If I was serious… she wasn’t there for me. Ever. My whole relationship with Colin was a joke to her. She never cared to meet him even though he was important to me. But when it came to her relationships, I had to be involved. This was all one sided wasn’t it? I was a mere follower of her? Never an equal.

It was always in my head that they wouldn’t get along and I’d have to end things with him. Or else I’d lose her and that wasn’t worth it. But it was, because she wanted me to end ties. She was always looking out for herself and never for me. She never cared that I was happy. Either way she ended ties. Either way I was hurt and it was all my fault for listening to her.

Why couldn’t anyone tell me she was toxic? She was ruining my life? My one time at being happy? Because she couldn’t understand how I could love anyone at all? That she wasn’t always going to be my right hand man? What does that say about her and her girlfriend? What does that say about me.

‘Clara, he doesn’t do enough for you. He isn’t trying hard enough. He can do better, haha but he won’t.’

I’ve been clouded by her words for years. And for the passed six months with Colin I was clouded as well.

I never cared about politics. But she did. Colin did. So suddenly I did and I was all on her side. And for what reason? I had no care for the facts of who was right other than when she would tell me this is the right thing and that is the wrong.

Why couldn’t I use my own head for once in my damn life?!

It didn’t matter what he believed in or followed. I love him. I should’ve ignored what she’d always say and made my own decisions. He was good. He was better than good.

I was terrible.

I went to my text thread with Colin and read over our recent texts. The goodbyes, the mutual break up which is now not mutual at all. Tears kept on falling as my heart stung.

I went to the notes app on my phone and started to type an apology. Then another. Then a voice memo. And then another. I wasn’t able to send them to him. He deserved better. He’s happier without me.

He deserves someone that appreciates him when he’s there not after he’s gone. Someone that won’t be manipulated by their best friend into believing he wasn’t good enough. Someone that can hold her own ground. I’ve always loved him, just never realized to what degree. Until after I was snapped out of my reverie of my friends hold over me.

He was everything I ever wanted and more. And I blew it by being influenced by someone to care about things I never cared about. I don’t care what he follows or believes in, that’s his life and I love him for that. He’s not hurting me. He’s respecting me. And I wish I had this mindset before I started fights. Before I let him go.

‘It hurts to watch you be happy.’ I whispered as I deleted his socials from my follows.

When could I possibly tell him that I was wrong and I ruined us? Can we be fixed after this? Would I be giving myself false hope in talking to him and explaining and saying that I needed him to breathe?

I couldn’t. He deserved better than me. A dumb girl. Who ruined her own love. I’m sorry. 


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215 Reviews


Points: 10059
Reviews: 215

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Tue Jan 08, 2019 9:47 am
Shikora wrote a review...



Hi Shikora here with a review.

I really like it that you jump right into the story, it's like nothing is holding you back. I really like the name you have chosen, it l kind of tells us what the story about, and yet it doesn't. It also drew me in, which is really good, as a writer you want to have that affect on your readers.

Now the next thing, I really like it that you didn't do it in third person, it gave the story a lot more meaning when she told the story herself, but inside her head. I don't know it could be just me who thinks it was a cool affect on the story.

I really like the emotion you put into the story, it made it feel a lot more real. And it was like I was there in the room with her.

Now there was one thing I would like to point out, there isn't any description in this story, of the room Clara is sitting in, or the characters. I know it may sound like you can't put any in the story...so I'm going to show you what I mean.

My phone felt helpless as my so called best friend kept texting me about my very recent breakup with the only man I’ve ever loved. Making it about herself. My phone felt helpless as my so called best friend kept texting me about my very recent breakup with the only man I’ve ever loved. Making it about herself. Reaching up, I wipe the tears out of my forest green eyes.

I know this isn't very good, but it does show you what I mean.

I’ve been clouded by her words for years. And for the passed six months with Colin I was clouded as well. With a sad sigh I flop down onto my pink bed.


I know theses aren't that great, but I just wanted to show you what I meant. I hope it helped.
Well that's it from me for now, I hope this review helped and you will never stop writing, because I'm sure over time you will be come the best writer you can be, I really liked reading and reviewing this story, I hope you have a great day/night.

You friend
Shikora. :D




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19 Reviews


Points: 292
Reviews: 19

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Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:52 am
tinybookfarie says...



Hi. Tinybookfarie here.
I absolutely really like how you put your whole heart into this. It’s really sad and in some way, I can relate and i’m sorry if this really happened to you. The only thing I will suggest to you is that when a character of a written work says something, especially in a story, you call it a dialogue and you put ( “) around what the person says.

For example...“It hurts to watch you be happy.” I whispered...

So yeah.

Anyway, I really felt your emotion in this piece and I can totally agree with you that sometimes your best friend CAN turn against you. It’s awful, but I guess that’s just one of the many terrible things in life.
Please keep writing and i’ll Look forward for more of your work.




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19 Reviews


Points: 292
Reviews: 19

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Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:47 am
tinybookfarie says...



:)




User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 292
Reviews: 19

Donate
Tue Jan 08, 2019 2:47 am
tinybookfarie wrote a review...



And keep up the good work!!!!!!





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