Young Writers Society

Hi there, MeherazulAzim16! Scar here to review your lyrics today. First off, I've noticed a lack of labels here. How do I know which part is a chorus and a refrain, etc? XD But other than that, let's see..... *clicks link so she can listen*

I must say, I like the title. XD And listening to you, I feel like this could be sung a little faster? But maybe that's just me. Anyway. Really liking the flow here, and I must say I love the structure you're using and the way it's been sung.

Just gonna list a few things I like;

And now you’re back,
Now you’re back in another dress,
Another face.

I agree with Jaybird here. I'm really digging this vibe here.

So, one step, two steps,
You’re closing in/and I’m burning out,
Why are you getting so petty,
So small,
So far away,
I think you’re not coming back.

I think this part is probably my favourite bit, to be honest.

You were far away,
Gaining inch by inch,
I didn’t need you to come back,
You needed you to go away.

Just another airbrushed melancholy heartbreak song,
Just another melancholy heartbreak song
about how you ex was a b-i-itch.

I like how you don't go for the usual "come back" stuff in heartbreak songs and instead go for the "go away" stuff. It's great, and it's different. I like it.

Then again,
Oh I was at that party,
There’s no harm in saying ‘Hi,’
But she’s gone now,
But she’s gone now.

Why’d you show up at the party?
Not like we have any mutual friends in this room?
Why are you so far away?
Just when I thought I’d say hi?

This gives me a kind of doubting oneself, wanting to speak to them and then, like, maybe self-sabotaging sort of feel? Like, the conflicting emotions comes through so well here. Great job!

Also, strong ending line here;

Just another melancholy heartbreak song comes tuning in.

Overall, this was pretty good and I really like it. I still think it could be sung a bit faster! And it might be a good idea, just for the readers, to add in a little "Verse 1" and "Verse 2" or "Chorus", etc, just so we can follow it a bit easier because reading this, it's a little hard to tell where to break and stuff. Makes it easier for others to try their hand at singing it, too!

Thanks for a lovely little song! Keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scar.

Hey there, @MeherazulAzim16! I'm here to review your work.

I love works that are self aware of what they are, so I knew I was going to enjoy your song when the title was referencing what kind of song it was. I'm unfortunately unable to listen to your recorded version right now, but I tried my best to imagine how someone might sing this work.

I don't really have any critiques of it. I think it matches the genre and the promise you gave with the title - it feels like a song about heartbreak. I love how you showed the singer's inability to move on with lines like the ones down below:

And now you’re back,
Now you’re back in another dress,
Another face.

It's a side of heartbreak I don't usually see covered in songs; most people don't comment on how the other people you meet can remind you of someone you knew before. Alternatively, the line can be interpreted as the singer's ex being a different person since they broke up. She's grown and changed, but feels just familiar enough for the singer to recognize her.

But, out of all of the parts of this song, it's one of the earlier sections that I like the most.

So, one step, two steps,
You’re closing in/and I’m burning out,
Why are you getting so petty,
So small,
So far away,
I think you’re not coming back.

I love the slight repetition with the steps, followed by what the singer is doing and what their song's subject is doing. The lines that follow are interesting as well, but it's the first two lines of that second stanza that really hooked me in.

Good job on this poem!

Hey Meherazul! I'm here to review your song!

I think one of my favorite parts of this song is the introduction. There's a simple grace to the first verse and the last line:

Times have been kind enough to bring us here for this day.

It's poetic, it's lyrical, and I love the subtle wistful sadness of it.

I also really love the chords you use under the verses that start with:

"So, one step, two steps,"

"Then again,
Oh I was at that party,"

I think the reason I really like the chords you use there are because they move really well with the melody you're singing over it. I also like that the chords and picking pattern you use are similar here in these verses at the beginning and then at the end, and it helps tie the song together so it feels more cohesive.

As far as lyrics go, it seems like you haven't taken the traditional route of doing structured parts of a song - with verses, a chorus that repeats, and a bridge or tags thrown in there. Though... maybe you have and I just didn't pick up on it? Which could be my fault! But I think what makes it difficult to differentiate different "parts" of the song is the pacing. It's kind of hard to tell where there's a crescendo of the music - a rising in the emotion but also musically. There also doesn't seem to be a lot of consistency or repetition with the melodies you're singing which I think contributes to this.

Your melodies are not bad! I think it just feels like there's a lot going on lyrically and melodically. You've got a lot of cool ideas, but I wonder if you could streamline and simplify some of them to improve the flow and create more dynamics.

If you're looking for suggestions, I think this would be a good contender for a repeating chorus, especially since it includes the name of the song:

Just another airbrushed melancholy heartbreak song,
Just another melancholy heartbreak song
about how your (there should be an "r" here) ex was a b-i-itch.

As far as lyrics go, I think there are some parts of it that feel more like a song, but near the end, it feels a little more casual, almost like how you would talk conversationally, and it seems to lose a bit of the intentional structure that there seems to be in the beginning.

And now you’re back,
Now you’re back in another dress,
Another face.

Like this? Oh, I love this bit. But it feels so tonally and structurally different from:

Why’d you show up at the party?
Not like we have any mutual friends in this room?

I really like when you start to focus in on the idea of seeing your ex in other people. Same face, someone else's skin. I think it would be really cool if you had more a focus on it as a theme for the song - or a different one, if you feel inspired!

I really like a lot of your ideas in this and would love to see more from you as you continue to grow in songwriting! And as usual with reviews, do keep in mind a lot of this is influenced by my personal opinion and taste in music, but I do think in general, for starting out with songwriting, it's good to follow a structure first and get the basics down before you start experimenting! At the very least, it's a good learning experience and stretches you as a writer in a different way.

Anyways, hopefully some of this is helpful or is useful as a springboard for new ideas! If you have any questions feel free to ask! Thanks again for sharing and happy songwriting!
-sound