What are dreams, I want to know.
These people I see, lovers I meet and monsters I fight
Are they just fragments of myself?
Am I one person or am I an ocean of personalities?
The dreamscapes never answer these questions.
Maybe I forget to ask when I'm there.
In fact, I forget myself, I materialize
New memories out of thin air and I immerse
In the lore that I also create without realizing.
It seems then that dreamscapes are forges
Where your broken pieces can be mended
And put together and rearranged all over again.
I hope I’m wrong because that’d make us gods
Lonely gods, confined in infinities consisting of only themselves,
But maybe there’s a bright side to that.
It seems that we gods found a way
Of interacting with each other.
We created an entirely new universe called reality
An inter-connected dreamscape.
We realized it wouldn’t self-sustain
That it’d feed on our life force.
We didn’t care
We were so sure that this is what we wanted,
The touch of another god
To finally be able to hear and see and feel something other than ourselves,
That we gave up immortality.
We traded one universe, flawless, magical and controllable,
For another that’s dying and dragging us down with itself.
We decided it was worth it.
Did we make a mistake?
This is an unfalsifiable theory.
But if it was falsifiable, I wonder
Which would be the greater tragedy,
To find that we’re gods in a hospice
Or to realize, once and for all, that we’re merely
Human beings.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I really, really love this. It feels like a story and the way it flows, describing dreams and reality to tell this story (or theory) feels incredible.
I'm honestly struggling with giving you technical feedback because the thing that hit me the hardest about this was how it made me feel (and frankly, that's hard to describe as well). After reading this for the first time, I was stunned and not quite sad and not quite happy, but your poem made me think. And that's the goal of just about any piece of writing, to make people think, and you went above and beyond, because this was simply enchanting.
You use such vivid description, for not only your thoughts, but your feelings. One of my favorite lines is "Lonely gods, confined in infinities consisting of only themselves." I also really, really loved the bit where you described the choice to give up immortality and being gods, simply for "The touch of another god."
Probably the most notable things about your poem to me was the way it flows. The way a poem flows is really crucial, and often I need a steady or repeating rhythm to help mine move smoothly, but your poem was often irregular. But it still flowed, and I'm not sure exactly how, but you were able to smoothly transition between each idea, as well as build upon them in a way that felt perfectly seamless.
So anyway, just a fantastic job. This is probably one of my favorite poems, and I could probably ramble on for a dozen more sentences, but I think I covered the important stuff. This was beautiful, and I hope to read more! ^-^
thanks for the review, avis! loved hearing your thoughts on the poem
So first off, this poem is absolutely incredible. It's also very unique, the poem seems more like you're venting in a way. I haven't seen this in poetry in a while so it was interesting reading something like this again. Also, because you gave off the fact that you were venting in this it seems you rambled a little bit which obviously gives the poem a very an all over the place vibe. I'm not sure if that's what you're looking for, but if it's not maybe try and circle back to the beginning in a way. Hopefully, this was helpful, and if it isn't just scrap everything I said. Anywho, I love your poem and you're an amazing writer! Keep going and have a great day!
thanks and you have great day too!
That was incredible. Beautifully written, and wonderfully expressed. Hope to see more of your work around!
thank you!