A box blue,
Mango fragrance,
Dust on the lid, two blows too weak to faze the residents.
A talking key,
Sweet words of warning,
Orange fumes leak out of criss-cross cracks, tickling me.
Somewhere, somebody rings a bell I've heard a hundred times before,
Thin, icy-slab beneath my feet,
The key calls me stubborn as I dance, sing and leap across the final bridge.
My feet ache, tears of joy mix with the acid in the air
As I place the box in its rightful stand,
"When will I see you again, old friend?"
"Never," says the box and the cracks close,
Fumes form a smiley face and I gasp,
Tears in lips, an attack of sourness jolts me, keeps me on my feet.
The bridge behind me laughs at my grief,
Like my heart, it will break, I know, when I cross it for the last time,
"Even so, you should dance," says the box.
I oblige and I fall, into freezing water,
I didn't even hear the ice collapse; these things happen so fast,
Orange fumes curl all around my limbs, burning itself with a promise to keep me warm.
I have a fuzzy feeling in my head, I don't know if it's the cold
Or the essence of my friend,
I laugh back at the ice-rubbles drowning by my side.
"What's so funny about all of this?"
"You died for vengeance," I reply. "I died to keep an oath."
I run out of air.
It is anvocative and introspective poem that explores loss, companionship, and the passage of time. Through vivid imagery and metaphors, the author conveys the narrator's emotional journey with a blue box and a talking key. The poem beautifully captures the complexities of human emotions, creating a thought-provoking and poignant reading experience. It looks a bit rushed, and you could have chosen a better title, but otherwise it's okay.
At first, I almost thought this was going to be satire. (It wasn't.) It was very emotional and dark, considering it is about a box. The emotions are joyous in the beginning and then inch into despair and it kept me on my toes. I especially enjoyed the lines:
"Mango Fragrance/Dust on the lid, two blows, too weak to faze the residents."
I like these two lines because of the good description.
Some constructive criticism:
• When writing a poem, the shorter the lines the better. You can always make a long stanza. Breaking up lines is also a good way for people to stay hooked on the poem. Depending on what the lines are about you can use a line to start a thought or idea and another to finish that thought or idea.
More things like:
I'd like to mention how I love how much detail there is. This is very well written and I hope you continue your work.
- Cher
120,203 Literary Works • 649,067 Reviews
Points: 21
Reviews: 26
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