Before I Know It

Hey there! Nyk here with a review! I don't do these a lot, but hopefully, I can get back into the swing of it with this one

So to start off, I think I should say that I really like the subject matter. It's something people think about an awful lot, but no one really takes the time to write things like these. So I applaud you on this.

But for this specific poem, one thing kinda throws me off as I'm reading it: the change of tense.

"Before I know it, I’ll be old,
I’d hear my hearing go a little more every day . . ."

It goes from "I'll" to "I'd," even though the narrator is talking about the future.

Another thing that sorta throws me off is the breaks in the lines.

"I’d see less of people I know —
And more of people I wish I didn’t have to,
Just as numb — it spreads to my limbs . . ."

I get why you broke it off in the first part of this quote, but as for the second break, it just interrupts the flow. I could understand using a semicolon, but I don't think the hyphenation break is a good idea here.

That's all for this one! Like I said, I like this piece, and keep writing!
-Nyk

Sorry, I accidentally forgot to make it a review ^^"

I'm not sure if it was intentionally written as humorous, but the final line made me chuckle a little bit. The idea of an elderly woman/man using their last breath to make such a passive comment about all of life's ups and downs was a very interesting way to give the poem a sense of finality, so kudos to you for that (assuming it was intentional).

I feel like this poem does a good job of describing all of the mixed feelings around growing up and gradually coming to the understanding that life eventually ends for everyone. The feelings of numbness, pessimism, and bitterness are common amongst the aging, which you did a good job of capturing. As a side note, I very much liked the variance in sentence structure; rather than keeping everything uniform and straightforward, there are multiple different topics being introduced within this one narrator's mind.

I don't have many suggestions; I thought it was interesting but somewhat confusing that you switched from "I will" to "I would"; it feels a bit out of place when reading through the poem. It almost creates a sense of verb disagreement; the narrator is speaking of future events, but he's referring to them as hypothetical situations rather than inevitable ones, which somewhat contradicts the tone of hopelessness/bitterness/etc. that you work so hard to ingrain into the poem itself. I would consider changing everything to "I'll" rather than "I'd" just for the sake of smoothness and agreement amongst all of the lines, but this is of course a personal preference.

Great poem nevertheless and I hope you continue writing!!

Hi MeheraZulAzim16. I'm here for a review.
I really enjoyed reading this poem. I felt like it was real, and it was. And it is very interesting poem, with loss of spirit and life that is getting less every day .
I going to tell you my suggestions.

Review!
"So that was that,huh?" Such as this, lines of speeches are kind of weird. You could do it from the start, but from the middle in a poem.

Could you erase the - in the lines? I don't know why you need it.

At the start you wrote I'll and you change it to I'd...Its abrupt.

And I think the ending could be more smooth.

As always no offense

Keep on writing!

>Silent Nightsky

Hey, Little's here for a review!
I really loved this poem. To me, it touches several things that poems usually don't, like the helplessness due to age and the loss of spirit. So wow. This poem is amazing. Everything you mentioned is to the point and quite accurate. I'll just point out a few things:

You started your poetic narration with"I'll". So I suggest that you stick with that and not switch to "I'd". It makes the poem stronger and sounder. "I'd" in my opinion renders it slightly vague.

Since this is a personal poem, I can't say much about the swearing, but as a reader it was a blot to the eye. The rest of the poem is going quite smoothly, so I suggest you just remove the word. On the other hand, it reveals a small amount of the anger simmering beneath the surface of the poem. So maybe you could replace it with a milder word?

I didn't like the ending; it was altogether a bit too abrupt. The meaning is sound, though, so I would suggest something like, "So that was a fleeting moment" or "fleeting glimpse". I mean, I'm a little abstract, so you don't need to change your style.

Overall, it was a very good poem. It reminded me of BTS's Black Swan. Good job!