Hello!
VioletFantasy here to give you a review. This is a really cool poem! I can’t believe that I didn’t click on it last week when you wrote it. At least I’m here now! Anyway, onto the review.
Yesterday I was surprised to find myself staring down the pit
I love this sentence! The way I inferred it is that the pit is love since the narrator fell into it. This is a very clever metaphor!
If I'm up here, then I cannot be down there
But it's dark at the bottom, so maybe I just can't see
Love does make you blind. You can’t see anything else. It just completely overwhelms you. This is another genius way to tie a well-known thing about love into your poem.
I heard the impact and the crack of my bones
And yet, my heart had never been healthier.
Wow, this is beautiful! When you’re in love, you don’t care about anything else around you except what you feel in your heart. I think this is my favorite part of the poem.
Today I have deduced that it was just a dream
The kind that you're conscious of but can't process
And love can be over just like that. *sighs*. This is a great way to end the poem though.
One thing that I would like to mention is the punctuation in the poem. I know that punctuation is optional in poems, but it sometimes helps the structure of the poem if the punctuation has a pattern. For example, some of your lines could have periods at the end, but they don’t. Then, some of them do. I would suggest either removing all of the punctuation or using it steadily throughout the poem. Of course, you can leave it as is since that is a stylistic choice.
Overall, I thought this poem was lovely! It was very thought-provoking and full of interesting imagery. I throughly enjoyed it. Keep writing!
Points: 1305
Reviews: 53
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