Young Writers Society

Hi MerherazulAzim! Here to review your poem!

I like that this poem is really unexpected at each turn. A lot of people make the comparison of chickens to dinosaurs as chickens kinda are dinos evolved or however that works ~ but you take the comparison a step farther and compare them to dragons, which is pretty entertaining to juxtapose.

Another part I thought was funny because it was unexpected was the line "they're so annoying that we eat them" - I just think that's such a preposterous take on chickens that it came off as really funny, nicely done!

This line has great alliteration, "Set the farms on fire, rob the banks of their bling," !! I would have liked to have seen even more sound devices in here, but the ones you did use were effective and made the poem flow even better. Evening up the lines a bit would also help you in terms of flow.

My favorite part has to be the unexpected turn at the end where the chickens roast the people! That was clever, and made the comparison of dragons to chickens feel more foreboding and even turned the poem towards signficance. On the surface this is just about how chickens are like dragons, and haha they might just sizzle you. But I think digging deeper the message is also, don't judge a book by it's cover; things have a lot more credit than we give them credit for - don't offend things that are small/insignificant just because you can, because... they might turn out significant (or dragons in this case)! That's a neat message worked in, and the story definitely comes full circle. Nicely done!

A few critiques:

Generally "b*tch" is a word we censor on the site (when not used in the context of dogs), I notice that you use an "L" rating for language, but would recommend adding a 12+ or 16+ rating on their too since the language is a bit harsh and it's throughout the whole piece. I think that'll help readers feel a bit more prepared getting into the piece too. I thought the parts where you didn't use swears but used alternatives like "lazy bums" & "pathetic crow" came off a lot more effectively and humorously though, because it highlighted the speaker's creative voice and I think even conveyed the anger and annoyance in a more effective way without having to be shocked by the swear word at the same time.

"Like kings out of wine almost" <- you didn't need the word "almost" in there, and I think it cut the comparison you were making.

There's some unnecessary words throughout the piece where there's just added wordiness rather than words that add meaning or sound-devices. Another line that stands out is "One day they'll recall and they'll extend their wings," don't need the 2nd "they'll".

That last stanza too, I don't think you need the 1st "and" in this line, "And there will be trials, and we'll testify that we're vegans".

That's about all I have, I think the last two stanzas are the strongest, but you've really succeeded in building a little narrative within a humorous poem and have some great zingers in there.

Keep on writing!

~alliyah

Hi MeherazulAzim16,
I’m here with a review. I thought this is a great poem and decided to review it. I like your idea as well as why they aren’t dragons anymore. You have a constant number of lines per stanza you have great punctuation.
The one thing I would like to point out is that at first we are told that they don’t want to show their dragon side because we are not worth it. Later on, we discover that it’s because they are too lazy. Maybe you could add something like “ In the beginning, we weren’t worthy” and later on “ But now they are too lazy”. This is a simple suggestion.
I really liked your poem. I hope my review helped you and didn’t offend you in any way,
MoonIris.

Hehe this is such a great poem. I have recently seen a cartoon that featured chickens as the creatures that resembled dinosaurs most, so when you compared them to dragons I felt that this is the best comparison that meets scientific facts with childish thoughts.

I rarely read humoristic poetry so I may be impressed with anything that stole even the smallest hint of smile from my face. However this is a cleverly put together poem( it would surprise me if you said that this is a poem made without any prior thinking and editing). The way you use usual words, more related to slang words, in a poem this refined.

Great job, this is one hell of a poem hehe