kuala lumpur

Hi there Lightsong! This is Kays here dropping in for a review as promised.

Let's cut the long intro and jump right into this piece by saying that this is a little...different from the usual writing that I see you produce or put out? This is a lot more direct in theme this time around and decides to use white space in experimentation, an element I don't normally see used by Sir Lightsong.

Being perfectly honest I didn't know that Kuala Lumpur is the capital of Malaysia which makes more sense--I assume this poem comes from more personal experience but at the same time I'm not sure that I get the amount of enjoyment here that I do with other poems of yours. I'm heavily mixed? The flow is a larger problem as per usual (this is more of a long-running critique that I have for your poetry but I do understand why that's so) but the imagery here is also a lot more interesting especially with the third and fourth stanzas.

However, the imagery is not compromising the flow which means there's no reason that aspect can't be fixed. This is to say that the flow in the sense of wording or diction is what's weak here and not the transitioning between stanzas or ideas because the latter I felt is actually quite alright even though I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the ending in the way that is intended (that's not a large problem because of the Death of the Author) although I'm going to say that...not a lot of people in the capital know each other well or know where people stand because of a lack of social interaction in public?

It's fairly possible that I'm off on the themes that are being portrayed even though I see this as a bit less metaphorical and more straightforward in imagery and symbolism. Going back to the white space that I talked about at the near beginning of the piece--I'm not all that fond? I don't see a reason for this to be incorporated into the poem if you're only going to use the technique once or twice. Dig into making the structure more interesting by bending that space around the words of the poem to your will and use more than at the end of stanzas.

Overall, the imagery is solid and the themes are pretty set in place which I'd say makes up for the awkward diction and structure that isn't used to full potential. The themes of society run throughout this and I enjoy that much. Overall for a second time? This is alright enough, but with editing on each aspect throughout this can be even stronger.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

Hmm..Good Evening there, AD here to drop a review.
You really had me thinking after reading this. Yes this is a common problem faced my the 21st cent. If you ask me I hate people buried in their phones in public. You have cut and paste it from somewhere else which indicates the spaces, It actually provides discomfort to the reader. Other than that I think it's fine, you said what you felt about the society.

This is a really good poem. I love how you've chosen such an original theme and the language you've used has painted a large picture in such a few lexical choices. I particularly like how you've ignored capital letters at the beginning of the sentences (whether intentional or unintentional) as it reflects the growing omission of them in the current English language today, specifically when texting. Overall, I think you've done a really good job. Well done!