People mocked me my hands, holding a quill
didn't belong to a warrior. They told me my hands
didn't recognize rough surfaces, that they couldn't
hold an axe or a sword. In battle, I would be the one
who fell to the ground, victim of the first strike.
I disagreed, as a warrior's definition varied for each person.
I wrote with the sparkles of magic, my words
shining under the dark, whispering desires to those
who read my stories. I didn't have to rip a heart
to win a battle. My targets ran non-stop
like a flowing river each time a pair of hands
read my book.
People once told me I should train my eyes
to find an opportunity for wealth like the one lying
beside a helpless noblewoman, as if money
resolved all problems in my life, as if I
wouldn't protect it more than it protected me.
I preferred to inspect the art of movement
from the young lord, picking something new
like a gem from his demeanour--how his acting
was a form of language--and I immortalized those
shining details into my stories. The outcome
never ceased to bring smile to my face.
The strength of a writer laid on how
he manipulated the souls of readers
and how their reactions rewarded him.
It laid on how he managed to conjure
an earthquake or a storm without harming anyone.
The strength of a writer didn't end.
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Hi! I honestly love the idea of comparing a writer to a warrior. (Like the pen is mightier than the sword). I also love your writing style. The poem was so calming to read and I was totally engrossed in it. That being said, let's get into the review!
So the first thing I'd say is about your line breaks. I personally prefer when lines end in a break in a sentence or at a period because I think it keeps the poem from sounding broken up. So for example I'd say "They told me my hands didn't recognize rough surfaces/ that they couldn't hold an axe or sword". I figured you wrote the poem woth lines ending on "dangling words" on purpose, since you did it throughout the whole poem.
The next thing is the phrase "holding a quill didn't belong to a warrior". I thought that was kind of an awkward phrase, so I guess you could try changing it to, "Holdimg a quill wasn't the work of a warrior" or something like that. I don't know how others feel about that phrase, but that's just my opinion on it.
So last thing is your last line. I think if you say, "The strength of a writer does not end" it would be more impactful. The use of the conjunction kind of made the ending sound shy in my opinion, and I think using the present tense implies that anyone can write and their writing can still be strong today. It kind of helps relate to the reader, and probably would make the message resonate more.
That's all. I hope this was helpful!
Hi, it's RossLighting, here to do a review
Firstly, the poem was a good length and I thought it was a good topic to talk about. Is this from personal experience? You don't have to say, but it sounds like it could of been written from the heart, which is normally the best poems. I thought the line 'he manipulated the souls of readers' was very good, it is and should be what the author tries to do, often succeeding, and I loved the poem in general. Overall, a great poem, and I see you have wrote quite a few more too.
Keep writing!
-Ross