Light again!
Your description of his eyes. ;.;
And how he held together the family. Just. There are points of this that blow me away, and there are points that feel bland. Let's comb through them in a summary.
Your line breaks are a bit iffy on flow, giving more to symmetry than to enhancing the fluidity of your piece. And while I'm blown away by the imagery and the narrative, the flow is always going to be a hiccup. Maybe we could have a one-on-one regarding flow sometime! I'd enjoy that.
The ending is very whispered and high-quality, but the hook (the intro) is a bit of a let-down for me. I understand the need to dress him and address him as it were, but the grammar is a bit botched and the line is bland. This definitely needs some seasoning to kick it up.
So he held the family together. Did he also hold the narrator together?
He had eyes like galaxies. Was he the center of the narrator's world?
And how much gravity did the kiss take on? How much gravity should we give it?
I hope this helps,
Ty
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Reviews: 745
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