Young Writers Society

Hi names 22Midnight
hope your doing well, let's get into it!

First Impression: So when reading the title I think I got the impression straight away that this was about someone who'd taught your daughter things that they shouldn't have, or maybe it was a father who'd taught his daughter very useful skills that she could use later on in her life, this on it's own I found was quite an intriguing thing to possibly read.

so normally I'd quote the text but this time I'll just try to do it with the image since there isn't any text to copy hope that's okay

I love how it starts out by describing the family like a picture frame but like a picture frame that has many imperfections, almost as though it's saying that although there are imperfections that's what makes it wonderful because there not supposed to be perfect.
Then it goes deeper and starts taking about i'm presuming that husband and wife's relationship that sounds like it's been strained over the years as times gone by. I do see though in the second line or paragraph where you say, and we'd sit on the couch as watch football, I feel as though the as should be an &/and instead either one of the types works I think the fancy version of and would look great with the current text you have here.
the next part is about how the mother dressed there daughter up as Tiana three times in a row which I think is adorable, but then it almost goes on to say that the fathers possibly chosen to forget that part of his daughters life for some reason, which if true that's incredibly sad.
Then it goes on to talk about how the daughter will look wonderful like her mother does when she goes older, such a beautiful meaning and a wonderful thing that may uplift your daughter and make her excited to be older, but then it's like the father just wants to preserve her innocents which I also can understand but it will come a day where his going to have to let her grow up.
The last to parts are sad and really diving in deep about the relationship that the father and mother had that's now faded into something completely different, and even though it's like the fathers trying to spare his daughter the pain of having to go through what his wife had to go through with him, his also not doing anything to change himself.

Overall: all together this had some incredibly strong meanings behind it and was a wonderful poem that definitely deserves more likes then it's already gotten, you do a wonderful job of bringing the emotions behind your writing into character so that when someone reads it they can feel that pain with you.

anyway that's it from me

hope you have a great dawn/dusk/midnight

See Ya

Hey Ley! I saw this poem posted yesterday and knew that I had to write a review once I had the time! Well, here we are All of your poems are wonderful because 1) they are deep and do a great job focussing on a common emotional theme throughout the piece, 2) They are well thought out and organized, I can tell that the specifics of the poetry are intentional, so its nice to read a well polished piece of art and 3) You touch on subjects like family and relationships and social expectations/standings/norms that I find incredibly relatable. Anyways, let's jump into the feedback for this specific poem!

i think that our pixels are disorganized,
and that's why you hate to smile.

These lines hit me like a bag of bricks falling from the sky. Like right from the start, I want to cry. Sometimes I look back at photos and people that I know and one person specifically has this irritated, stern, disinterested face in all the photos. I have imagined so many times that they were edited or wrong or distorted in a way, that she was actually smiling. Your idea here with the polaroid was fantastic. We can come up with all of these other ideas- oh maybe it was the sun, those destroy polaroid photos, or maybe it's not developed yet, or its ripped or broken or fake.

Why am I the one smiling when I feel the most broken inside?

The next stanzas talk a lot about your daughter and the ideas of men/who your partner is/reflections.

and honestly, that might be true.
because when you met me, you were
different. you were engaged, kind, and
the most beautiful human I'd ever met.
but look at you, now.

This is so direct, but your words accomplish a lot in a small space of text. The word that stood out to me here is 'engaged'. Sure, we can be kind and caring and loving and good, but attentiveness and engagement is what really brings it all together. it is the bridge between trust and compassion that we all crave. Being with someone who does not give you that full attention and chooses you can be destroying, day by day, making you feel like you mean less than anything else (other people, video games, phones, books, etc).

you're turning into the same men you tell
our daughter about-
ruthless and insecure and greedy.
i wish my mother had warned me,
like you warned her.

This full circle you do, bringing all of these values back to your daughter and how he is becoming this villain he teaches her about, well, that was fantastic. The only part that I had to think about for a while was the last two lines. I wonder what he warned the mother about. Overall, wonderful work, as always. I hope that writing this helps you! Cant wait to see even more of your poems

Your friend,
Ellie