Young Writers Society

Hi Ley! I'm here to leave a review for your poem here.

Wow, this was truly a beautiful poem. While it was kind of short, you put in so much elegance and blissfulness into such a small amount of words. That is definitely something to be proud of.

I loved your use of figurative language in this piece! All the metaphors were creative and fresh and weren't overused or cliche. Creating good metaphors is something I personally struggle with, so I think it was amazing that you were able to do that throughout the piece. Though the length is short, it seems like you spent a great deal of time thinking about and writing this poem.

I also really liked that the language of the poem was very much imbued with Aphrodite's personality, and had a very ethereal and goddess-like energy. and there is so much meaning that is conveyed with very few words, and without having to use fancy words or anything.

I also liked how you started the poem by describing dawn, and you ended it by describing the end of the day. The structure of the poem was also very thought out.

I only have one suggestion, which is not really a critique, but more of an idea that could better your poem. In the second line, you described whispers as twilight’s breath. I absolutely love this line, and it is so beautifully written. But maybe it might do better in the third line since you were doing a dawn-to-dusk kind of thing with the structure. But remember that this is just a suggestion.

Overall, this was a masterfully written poem with fresh verbs and figurative language. I really enjoyed reading this piece. I hope to read more of your awesome poetry!

Keep writing!

Oh my goodness, Ley! I remember a time when you would say that you weren't good at writing poetry and so it makes me SO happy to see all of this AMAZING poetry that you have shared, especially in the last few months!!

First of all, in terms of structure: this was a very short ballad, but that doesn't make it any less powerful. I love the rhyme of lines one and four. That was a nice way to bring some closure to such a short piece. Your font and layout is gorgeous <33

We have two sentences here, both of which are connected by multiple commas and phrases. You say so much in so little. They are VIVID and rich with so much imagery. Part of me feels like I am once again a 12-year-old, reading Percy Jackson, so in love with the characters and plot. You speak of this beautiful rising from the sea, like an awakening at dawn. And then you talk about the night too, where broken hearts are healed. Overall, there was this powerful essence of love and beauty. It was simple, but your words, such as "gaze" and "draped" and "twilight" feel so elegant when they are all combined together. I love how you use gentle descriptions too, such as a 'first kiss'. These examples can remind us of personal tender memories and really set that mood.

This was so beautiful to read. It is also very pleasant on the tongue to say. I enjoyed this so much and your writing makes my day better. Hope to see even more like this soon <3333

Your friend,
Ellie

This is so so beautiful! I love the imagery and the hopeful tone. This is short and impactful.

broken hearts healed by night.