A/N: Choices regarding punctuation/capitalization (or a lack thereof) are intentional. Thank you!
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140,265 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Great job on the poem! I really liked your use of description like at this part for example. "We are shards, of amethyst & jade". This line painted such a beautiful scene in my head for some reason. My favorite part was the ending, "then we stepped together as shards of "We are shards, of amethyst & jade tempered in palms, enclosed together with like minds & solid hearts." I liked the imagery you used in the end people speaks in some way. Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Hello Lavvie!
I will start off by saying you are a wonderful writer! I absolutely enjoyed reading this poem. I think we often write better when it is for people we feel the most for, whether it be love or hate. I enjoy how you mention palm, as in the palm of the hand, but then talk about islands and waves, it is a beautiful metaphor. I really enjoy the final lines of the poem, "with like minds/ & solid hearts". That is so beautiful and simple, raw. Great job and continue writing!
Hey! I really liked this! I particularly enjoyed the lines,
"We are shards, of amethyst & jade".
For some reason these lines just really seemed to speak to me. It painted a beautiful image in my mind. I loved how the reader goes on a journey throughout the poem, ending with the lines,
"together with like minds, & solid hearts"
It's a lovely ending. You effectively told a beautiful story about love in this and I adored it! Keep up the writing! I look forward to seeing what you do next
- Vex
Hey there!
I saw the poem and since I loved the title, decided to say a few words about it
First of all- the title is quite powerful, and I like you maintain that overall feel throughout the entire piece.
I also like the play with colors, which comes from the use of objects like gemstones
This is really great and one of my favorite lines. Great imagery- well done!
One line kept me wondering, though- "well-trafficked palm" .I was a bit confused, but then figured it out- I like it. It's surprising and definitely leaves an impression.
You've mentioned the punctuation is intentional, so I won't add anything to that
Thank you for sharing it!