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we are shards

by Lavvie

A/N: Choices regarding punctuation/capitalization (or a lack thereof) are intentional. Thank you!

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19 Reviews

Points: 247
Reviews: 19

Sun Sep 06, 2020 1:03 pm
oceans wrote a review...

Hello Lavvie!

I will start off by saying you are a wonderful writer! I absolutely enjoyed reading this poem. I think we often write better when it is for people we feel the most for, whether it be love or hate. I enjoy how you mention palm, as in the palm of the hand, but then talk about islands and waves, it is a beautiful metaphor. I really enjoy the final lines of the poem, "with like minds/ & solid hearts". That is so beautiful and simple, raw. Great job and continue writing!

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9 Reviews

Points: 127
Reviews: 9

Thu Aug 13, 2020 7:01 pm
Vex3330 wrote a review...

Hey! I really liked this! I particularly enjoyed the lines,
"We are shards, of amethyst & jade".
For some reason these lines just really seemed to speak to me. It painted a beautiful image in my mind. I loved how the reader goes on a journey throughout the poem, ending with the lines,
"together with like minds, & solid hearts"
It's a lovely ending. You effectively told a beautiful story about love in this and I adored it! Keep up the writing! I look forward to seeing what you do next :)

- Vex :D

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11 Reviews

Points: 398
Reviews: 11

Wed Aug 12, 2020 6:27 am
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DavidFoxx wrote a review...

Hey there!

I saw the poem and since I loved the title, decided to say a few words about it :)
First of all- the title is quite powerful, and I like you maintain that overall feel throughout the entire piece.

I also like the play with colors, which comes from the use of objects like gemstones

where you are an island
&august waves lap arterial shoals

This is really great and one of my favorite lines. Great imagery- well done!

One line kept me wondering, though- "well-trafficked palm" .I was a bit confused, but then figured it out- I like it. It's surprising and definitely leaves an impression.

You've mentioned the punctuation is intentional, so I won't add anything to that :)

Thank you for sharing it!

Look closely. The beautiful may be small.
— Immanuel Kant, Philosopher