A/N: Decisions regarding punctuation and form (e.g., capitalization or a lack thereof) are intentional and for stylistic purposes.
Hey, pal.First of all, I wish you well. Your poem and accompanying wall post expressed something absent from YWS and the outer world. There isn't bleak enough conversation about the illness in mental health. Whether it'd be for one reason or another regarding what's socially appropriate, it takes a lot to articulate one's struggle with the weight it deserves. 'maniac' alone brandishes a stigma that could, if done true to its word, strip away the triviality of 'being crazy haha' and present a work unflinching, guttural, honest. Which you did. Your work was pleasing from both an artistic and indulgent perspective. Illness can't be cured, that'd be a loaded wish, but I genuinely do hope greater stability is found in your life. You deserve it. Anyone does.
forgive me for existing in a parabola,oscillating between 2 points; a mountain & a cave.Let me describe.
at times, the cave is Platonic.
disfiguring truth, it hides me& shields the beauty of the sun. in my blindness,i am bewildered, withered by darkness.at times, the cave is an open hole. there are slivers of light, piercingthrough shadows of shackles, molten metalon ankles attached to feet. i move in a scramble of limbs, out.My eyes are suns, bright.
Let me describe.
at the top, the mountain is framed by blue & soft white, disguisingopportunity. i think too much too fast & soonclouds swirl white but opaque, just as clearas the cave.
at the top, the mountain is joyless despite appearances. i waver,muddling colours until everything everywhere turns brown.my lenses are muddled & i sink in perpetual guiltof truly never getting anywherehappy.
Hi Lavvie! Niteowl here to leave a quick review on this lovely poem! As you are probably aware, since I believe you've reviewed some of my past poems, the subject of mental illness/madness is one of my favorite things to write about, so I'm interested For the first sentence, I feel like the parabola isn't actually the right math term, since it only has one peak or valley. A graph with repeated curves/valleys is actually called sinusoidal since y=sin x oscillates between -1 and 1. I think colon or dash might be more appropriate after "Let me describe". Interesting use of the word Platonic, since I usually don't see that word in this context. However, I feel like the third stanza reads more like the allegory of the cave than the second. I respect the ampersands as a stylistic choice, but I still find them a little distracting, probably because I don't see them that often. I'm not crazy about the beginning of the second cave stanza. I might tighten it up a little "at times, there are slivers of lights, casting shadows on my shackles." I might also move "in my blindness, i am bewildered, withered by darkness" to the end of this stanza. I'm not sure the "eyes like suns, bright" fits here, since this is the depression section and that sounds more like mania to me. Unless this is supposed to be a transition between depression and mania? I'm not quite sure. In the first mountain stanza, "disguising opportunity" doesn't make much sense to me. I might allude to how the mountain looks joyful and peaceful, so it can then contrast to "joyless despite appearances". I think that could be a really cool metaphor for the "but you don't look sick/isn't it good to be happy?" misperception that tends to surround mania. The final stanza is just *chef's kiss*, though I might consider not repeating "muddled". Overall, I think this is a solid poem that builds on the idea of mood swings as peaks and valleys. Keep writing!
112,859 Literary Works • 606,277 Reviews