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139,289 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
My first thought is that these are a lot of knitting references. [I have friends who knit. They can talk endlessly abt it!]
I really like that you spread out the line with what the lyrical narrator wants. It kinda puts those three things on as equals when if you put them all in normal formatting, you might imply a hierarchy? And the way they are now they might also show how achievable these wants are? Like how far the narrator is from making them reality and taking it easy is basically out of reach, clinging to the furthest possible point from the rest of the poem.
I really like the feel of this. Thank you for sharing!
still killing it
tea / the sea / to take it easy
<33
Love this, love your poetry!
"they are memories / intruding in the pouring rain" has such a nice sound to it -
"when all i want: tea / the sea / to take it easy" - also nice assonance, but also love the almost water rippling effect of the words spaced out - which I could read as overwhelming / all encompassing.
I'm wondering if there is some intentional word-play going on with the repetition in every stanza of "two" - two / twenty / too / ii / to / too / you too - maybe emphasizing that their is a subject to the speaker's conversation and questions, or a two that pairs with the one. Going off of that - I find it significant that there are three stanzas and three phrases spaced out at the end of stanza two - like between the two people (that are as close at tied knots!) there's something unraveling or maybe binding them - fear? time?
There's a lot of directions that interpretation can go, but I think the poem is thick with meanings that could be explored! I would like to see a little more of the title's theme of "crossed lines" pulled into the poem, as that's not a theme I feel is very present in the imagery.
My favorite stanza is the second, but I do like that each stanza has a real tangible feeling within these concise images.
Stanza 1) - feels like a missed opportunity
Stanza 2) - feels overwhelming, foreboding, needing
Stanza 3) - feels begging / anticipatory / rushed and wondering
Keep writing forever!
alliyah
gosh, alliyah! you're the one I love to workshop with. you're the one I would love to explain every line to! I feel like you've hit the nail on the head and I would love to revise a little bit to maybe capture what I was going for, more accurately? it feels good to be getting back to poetry <3