A/N: The choices made regarding punctuation/capitalization (or a lack thereof) are intentional. This poem is a heavily revised version of a poem I wrote for NaPoWriMo back in April. Also open to title suggestions.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,486 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Hey there, Bullet here to review.
This is an interesting piece. While the subject is, obviously, hands, the imagery used to describe the hands in question - hands, in general - is a very unique choice (such as the first stanza, "knotty branches swirling", and the second stanza, "chicken bones"). It really juxtaposes this idea that hands are fragile, important beings with the image of hands that aren't fragile or "pretty" at all.
I like this poem, even though it lacks a discernible flow or rhythm. Everything seems a bit scattered, but it almost works in favor for the subject of the poem. There is no end goal, no bigger picture, no finish line to rush to; this poem takes its time, wanders, let itself become whole on its own schedule. It's quite a different approach, maybe unintentional, but it really brings a spirit to the poem that I love.
The only real qualm I have, at this point, is the first line; compared to the rest of the poem, it's long, throwing off the balance of the piece. Perhaps divide it into two, or reword it; or, if you like the strong beginning, keep it as it is. Overall, this poem is a delight, and you did really well.
Keep writing,
- BJ.
This was a very plain poem that conveys so much. I have read a lot of poetry, but have seen only a few like these; the ones that hide emotion behind simple words. Genius, really.
Anyway, the word choice was on point, but I got a little lost in my interpretation in the second half. Were you trying to convey that in the space where the hands usually are drawn, that is where you place your self-worth in your drawing abilities? If so, I understand the feeling meant behind it. As an artist, we often choose our weakest link to place our self-worth, which makes us strive to do better. While beneficial in some ways, it can have unpleasant effects on our mentality. All part of the creative process, I guess.
By the way, I like your simple title that reflects on the poem itself.