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Délįne

by Lavvie


A/N: Minimal punctuation and lack of capitalization is intentional. The poem is describing life in a small village in Northern Canada. 


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Wed Feb 19, 2020 11:30 am
MC23 says...



I have a friend from Ontario but Northern seems a bit more freezing. Loved this beautiful poem. Well, still earning to use this site so can't type much. But his is an awesome poem I think! :)




Lavvie says...


Thank you!



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Mon Feb 17, 2020 3:50 am
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redvictory wrote a review...



Wow, just wow. This is beautiful!

I understand why you put the disclaimer that lack of punctuation/capitalization was intentional, but to me it came across wonderfully! That being an issue did not even cross my mind. The way this poem is written adds so much to its imagery, which is one of my favorite things that separates poetry from prose!

You have a beautiful grasp of poetic language. The way you channel imagery and feeling into your words is indescribable. Sometimes I have trouble reviewing poetry, but that was not even remotely an issue here. Your work just jumped out to me. You turn something mundane and everyday into a beautiful and succinct experience that was a joy to read.

The only problem I had while reading (which may have just been a personal thing) was that I wasn't one hundred percent sure what some lines were referring to. I'm a dirty American, so some of the vocab you use here, like "mickeys" and "bannock" drew up a blank in my mind that conflicted with the vivid imagery evoked by the rest of the poem. A little more detail may have helped me connect the dots, but there is no need to cater to me alone! This poem is on a rather niche topic, so I wouldn't blame you for writing to a niche audience as well!

Either way, this is lovely work! Thank you for sharing with all of us!




Lavvie says...


Thanks for the review! I definitely should have provided some definitions for those ultra-Canadian words, haha, so sorry about that. I'll keep it in mind in the future. For your information, "mickey" refers to a 375mL bottle of liquor and "bannock" is a type of fried dough, with Indigenous origins.



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Mon Feb 17, 2020 3:20 am
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tgham99 wrote a review...



Love the use of imagery in this poem. This is probably one of the best examples of descriptive imagery that I've seen in a while.

Specifically, I loved these lines:

"wind shifts snow drifts"
"pallet shacks polka-dot this frozen desert"
"chewy under Sorel boots"

But to be honest, the imagery all throughout the poem was interesting and beautiful to read.

I also like that you opted for more unique descriptive terms like using "polka-dot" as a verb rather than something more simple or common. This is a stylistic decision that makes this poem stand out far more in terms of both imagery and message.

Also on the note of stylistic choices: minimal punctuation and capitalization work well to stay in tune with the tone of the poem. For me personally, the poem takes on a soft, almost ethereal tone; the image of snow drifting and winds passing by are enough to convey a sense of coldness, yet not bitterness, to me as a reader.

The only suggestions I have are to potentially break up a couple of lines so they read a bit smoother and don't interrupt the flow --

"they form waves,
tips curling like bitter meringue"

and

"Michelin men drop frostnipped lures
into lake water"

Just a personal suggestion, though, and it's really just to enhance the readability of the poem.

Aside from that, I can honestly say that this was a lovely poem to read. Though I've never been to Canada, you crafted an intense enough image of this village in my mind that I felt like I had seen it with my own two eyes.

Write on! <3




Lavvie says...


Thanks for the review! I definitely felt that the flow was a bit off, too, so thanks for those suggestions. I'll work them into my reviews :)




If I were a girl in a book, this would all be so easy.
— Jo March