Young Writers Society

Hi there!

It was really a wonderful poem. You used simple words to bring out so much beauty in this work. I loved the format and how you went on describe about different body parts in every stanza. Each one had a great imagery. The flow was so consistent. I could seriously imagine going lots of fast food that I eat every time going into my belly just like hail stones from the sky :p You have put in a lot of thought to bring out these amazing interpretation of different body parts. 'spilling out thoughts that are now marbles', this is such a beautiful line. I paused for a second here just for appreciation. At last summing up with describing about body compared to a sentinel also felt deep.
Great work <3
Keep writing. I will try to read more of your works.

Lavvie,

All I can say is love, there's so much to love about this poem, the piece-meal structure is fitting. The experience for me is in the savoring of each stanza before excitedly hopping on to the next course, and by the end going back round to my favorite pieces, and just a sense of awe and satisfaction, which is ahhh, a great de-stressor! That's what it is, it's relaxing.

I think in the very careful precision that it must have taken to get here, and I think too, because these words and images are attentively assembled with care suggests naught but love and warmth- the image of the hips and white flags made me laugh out loud - that's such a loving image for hips. The image of sourdough is such a loving image for a hand's tactful exploration of the body. There's even something loving in the striking hailstones in a tin bucket paired with the verb "collects" as though the belly is a piggy bank earnest in the way it wants to save up its calories :3 I am humbled by the image- all of these images are so full of love, that I skip the last stanza in my re-read every. single. time. Because it doesn't belong to what came before. The last stanza seems to be about depression and jaded experiences, and there's something to be said about having a turn and a twist and having that color the poem with new meaning, new interpretation. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but strictly my opinion (so take with a grain of salt) it's hard for me to buy that ending when this poem is comfort and optimism, stemming from the way it's built.

I prefer ending on marbles. A beloved child's toy and nostalgia. Shiny, polished, simple- but a world underneath your fingers. That about sums up my reading experience Thanks for sharing your work - I hope you're well and let me know if you ever want to chat this one up.

~ as always, Audy

This is such a beautiful poem. Thank you for posting < 3

This is Gem hopping out of her jewelrybox for a short review.

I really like this poem. It is very simple. In a world that is very stressfull and with people who are always concerned about how they look. With people always trying to tell others how they should look. This poem is a good thing to have. It is a poem I'm glad some one published and it took bravery to publish as all things about ones self are, or even things that one is afraid could be interpretted as about them. I don't see any issues myself. I would be happ to find this in a napo thread. <3

This is Gem hopping back ito her jewelrybox for a nap. <3 namaste fren. <3

Hello Lavvie!

I must say, I really like this poem. It's very simple and effective. I personally interpret this to be about body positivity (or even body neutrality if that's a thing? Like, my body exists and I'm fine with it), which I think is a wonderful message.

Honestly, there's not much I would change about this poem. I only have one critique, and it's not very important.

they rove over hills, doughy
as a baker's sourdough

my body
it stands sentinel, weathered
by the battering rams
of my mind