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21 questions

by L0ca1Tes1a


Why do you pity me?

 Why did you only talk to me because you pitied me?

  Why did you tell me things you didn't tell others?

   Why did you decide to trust me?

    Why did you stay friends with me?

     Why did you start to see me as a younger sister?

      Why are you protective over me?

       Why are you only soft around me?

        Why was I the only one to make you feel shame?

         Why did you tell me to cover my ears if I already know about your past?

          Why does what I think of you matter so much when you don't care what others think of you?

           Why did you trust me with things so important to you?

            Why did you choose to stay when I told you about my issues?

             Why do you not get angry at me?

              Why are you so understanding?

               Why do you just let me talk?

                Why do you listen when I talk?

                 Why do you care about what I say?

                  Why do you notice when I stop talking around others?

                   Why do you care about me?

                                    I

                    Why did you not leave?

                           


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Sat Jun 15, 2024 4:33 pm
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Kem6o wrote a review...



Hey, wow!! An amazing read I had today, thanks to you!
Good morning/afternoon/evening or night whichever part is at your place.

I really felt that these questions where put with so much depth and immense emotional conflicts. First of all it is completely sane to sometimes feel that one is having emotionally conflicting thoughts. But still the way you have shaped your poem it is clearly telling the person's emotions.

First the person is not liking the pity that is been given to them, still they don't leave. In choosing to stay, much of the emotions change, changing the course of the bond they had, and it creates further trouble for the person. The way they are being provided with care and empathy makes them unable to leave even after immensly trying to end the relation.

It could be really difficult for a person in such a situation where they cannot even justify their reasons of discontentment but it is only evident from the thoughts of them.

The way you have crossed the you and written I makes perfect sense as we see from the persons point of view who wanted the other to leave but in their heart knew that it should have been them to leave for their own good and peace.

Overall only with questions you have been able to present the turmoil of the person in the poem, it is sure a noteworthy skill.




L0ca1Tes1a says...


Thank you! I love your interpretation of my poem. I love how people can get different meanings from the same poem.



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Fri Jun 14, 2024 9:20 pm
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Coffeewriter wrote a review...



Hyyy this is Coffee here to deliver a fantastic review! Let’s dive right in!!

Firstly, I like the repetition but I’d say try to begin the sentence without a ‘why’ at least a few times to avoid repeating the same words, it starts to make it slightly boring(although you might have done that on purpose, haha, if you did ignore me)!
I love the slanting style, great result! I love that you used a prompt I find my creative juices get flowing much better after prompts too!
I love the pace of the poem too, it makes my mind automatically read it in a fast pace and gives off an anxious feel immediately.

“ Why do you pity me?

Why did you only talk to me because you pitied me?

Why did you tell me things you didn't tell others?

Why did you decide to trust me?

Why did you stay friends with me?

Why did you start to see me as a younger sister? “


I like how it starts off as harmless almost and sweet and the gradually it starts showing signs of misunderstood love and the sad truth of when you love someone but they are just incapable of seeing you that way. It ends off literally throwing tons of emotions at you causing your heart to burst by the strong emotions of heartbreak and betrayal.

“ Why do you not get angry at me?

Why are you so understanding?

Why do you just let me talk?

Why do you listen when I talk?

Why do you care about what I say?

Why do you notice when I stop talking around others?

Why do you care about me?

Why did ( you ) I not leave? “


It sounds like the character gets more and more frustrated and helpless as they flail around just trying to get their loved one’s attention and wondering helplessly why they can’t. I love how structured and desperate this work is! Great effort, lovely!
Thank you for sharing your work and have a good day/night!<3




L0ca1Tes1a says...


Thank you! I love your interpretation I definitely see where you got it from, it may not have been what I was trying to convey but nontheless I loved reading what you thought of the poem. I did do the repetitive why because I didn't really know how else to start off a question.



Coffeewriter says...


Haha, thank you so much! I understood where you%u2019re coming from with the question thing, just wanted to point it out for information! Thank you! :)



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Fri Jun 14, 2024 2:57 pm
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NoOneInParticular wrote a review...



Heyo! Horizon/NoOne here just dropping by to leave a short review!

First Impressions + What I Liked

The first two lines made me think that the person mentioned wasn’t really a good friend, but this is far from the case. When you look at it, the speaker may be an unreliable narrator, especially with lines like

Why do you pity me?

and
Why was I the only one to make you feel shame?


giving the impression that the speaker and feels like a burden to their friend, that they pity them (in a bad way) and is an embarrassment to them. The way you convey so much in so little, like confusion about the friend’s positive actions hinting at insecurity and feeling “undeserving” of all these things.

The last line
Why did you I not leave
(I hope I got that correct?) is heartbreaking, as it really hammers home the point that’s been building across the entire poem. I just want to run up to the speaker and say, “friends don’t leave each other, that’s the whole point! You’re worth it” to them. The “why did I not leave” part is interesting though, as it implies that the speaker had a history of not maintaing their friendships, maybe due to the insecurities mentioned earlier? It’s definitely somethibg I can relate to.

Areas for Improvement

Content-wise, I have nothing to improve on. (*seriously considers section’s change of name*) It feels so raw and perfectly conveys those feelings of self-doubt.

I

Why did you not leave?


This formatting here is a bit unclear. I assume you mean to say that “you” was crossed out and “I” written over it (replacing it)? It might be a bit clearer to write it as
Why did you I not leave

like I put it earlier, though you don’t have to follow my suggestion.

Minor correction:
Why did you trust me with thinks so important to you?

I guess you meant “with things so important”?

Overall Thoughts

A wonderfully written poem showcasing the feelings of insecurity when it comes to your friend doing kind things to you. Great job! Thanks for listening to (reading?) me ramble about your work, I hope my interpretation was correct and not too far off.

Keep writing, and remember to take breaks when needed. Have a nice day/night/it’s somehow sunset or sunrise so you’re not sure?

I’ll stop now.

Cheers,
Horizon




L0ca1Tes1a says...


Hello! thank you for the review. I love the way you interpreted it. and I figure why not give you a little backstory to the second line you mentioned. it is not about me being an embarrassment to them it is from when my friend said something and I looked at him after he said it and he said when I looked at him he felt shame for what he said, and his friends were surprised because he never feels shame. anyways I thought you might just enjoy that little bit of background. other than that your interpretation was pretty much spot on and also thank you for correcting my formatting I had no idea how to put it and thank you for fixing my spelling mistake.



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Fri Jun 14, 2024 2:26 pm
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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hello hello, L0ca1Tes1a! It's mint here with a quick review for you :D First off, this is a super cool format, and it's neat how the readers slowly learn more about the relationship between the narrator and the "you" through the course of the poem. All the questions give me the impression of doubt, as if the narrator can hardly believe that the "you" cares for her and has stayed. And the ending... I love the shift from "you" to "I"-- instead of asking the "you", the narrator has now asked a question of herself.

My understanding of the poem is that the "you" started off pitying the narrator, but eventually became genuine friends with and even an older sibling to the narrator. The narrator got to see a side of the "you" that no one else saw, and truly mattered to them. And yet, the way the narrator still questions everything despite it seemingly being so clear how much they care about each other... there's something fundamentally human in that. About thinking things to be too good to be true, and asking questions, and wondering why. Excellent work! :]

Now for a couple of specifics...

Why do you pity me?

I found the shifts in tense interesting. Sometimes the questions are in past tense and sometimes in present, like this one. I feel like it'd make more sense to me if this question was in past tense? But if it's intentional and the "you" still pities the narrator, then by all means, keep it. ^^

Why was I the only one to make you feel shame?

Why did you tell me to cover my ears if I already know about your past?

These lines, I think, were some of the most powerful to me. They say what the lines right before and after them do, but more subtly and indirectly. They show instead of tell.

Why did you trust me with thinks so important to you?

Typo here ;) "thinks" should be "things" (Unless you did mean "acts of thinking"...)

Why do you just let me talk?

Why do you listen when I talk?

Why do you care about what I say?

These lines were also great. I enjoyed the progression from talking -> listening -> caring.

And then the last line... Wow. At surface level, it sounds wonderful-- neither of the two left. But when I think about it some more... the very fact that the narrator is questioning this makes me a little worried that something is festering that might cause one or both of them to leave in the future. Of course, this could just be my ultra-cautious reader brain that has been saddened too many times by tragic twists in novels ^^' I can still hope that they continue to care about each other and stay. >.>

Overall, great work with this poem! If you're looking to revise this, I'd suggest taking a look at the tenses in each of the questions and being extra purposeful with which questions you include to have the maximum impact on the reader. But I also enjoyed it very much as it is right now! Fabulous job, and I hope you keep writing! :D




L0ca1Tes1a says...


Thank you!I love the fact that you noticed the two lines you commented on with the shame I was hoping someone would. Yes I made a typo and I am definitely fixing it after typing this I just type to fast sometimes. Do not worry we are still friends and are staying friends probably forever I put that line there first as a you asking why didn't they leave after learning about me then as an I because usually when I get too comfortable with someone I'll start distancing myself to protect myself so they cant leave me because I already left but it didn't work this time. anyways I love your interpretation and I like to give a little bit of background to certain lines people mention. I also do not blame you for being worried cause I too have been saddened too many times by plot twists in novels (being a reader can be so hard).



Spearmint says...


:D Thanks for the reply! And yay, glad to hear that!! I%u2019ll read this as a happy story then <3 Also XD yes indeed




Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.
— Adrian Mitchell