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16+ Mature Content

Opposites attract (longer version)

by L0ca1Tes1a


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Opposites attract.

We are opposites. You are fluent in Spanish and are learning English; I am fluent in English and am learning Spanish.

We are opposites. You lived in Peru your whole life until you moved here; I lived in America my whole life.

We are opposites. You have a job; I want one.

We are opposites. You make friends easily; I struggle with making friends.

We are opposites. You call me friend; I call you pretty boy.

We are opposites. You say "I love you friend."; I want to say "I love you, pretty boy.".

We are opposites. You can't love because you are still learning how this country works; I can't love because I am still learning how to love myself.

We are opposites. You look comfortable with who you are; I do not know who I am.

We are opposites. Your mood is constant; I have BPD.

We are opposites. You have no scars; I have scars from myself.

Opposites attract, but they can't always be together.


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Points: 318
Reviews: 4

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Mon Jun 03, 2024 12:30 am
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branchingout wrote a review...



Hello! I'd like to start this review by saying that this was a great poem that really captured the pain of unrequited love, self-consciousness, among many other deep themes. This work feels very personal and immediately makes the reader feel connected to the speaker.

I loved how the comparisons become more personal as you read, and I think swapping

You make friends easily; I struggle with making friends.


with

You have a job; I want one.


would help preserve that flow you have set up as struggling to make friends is a more personal and painful comparison than having a job/wanting one.

Also, this poem is primarily in present tense, so I would advise keeping this line in present tense as well just to help the work flow:

You said "I love you friend."


So, I would change it to "You say..." I always struggle with keeping my tenses constant, so I hope that helps.

I love the last couple lines, they are really hard-hitting. My favorite line would have to be

We are opposites. You look comfortable with who you are; I do not know who I am.


So good! It truly highlights how the speaker and their pretty boy's relationship is falling victim to right person, wrong time as the speaker feels they need to help themselves out before engaging in a romantic relationship with this boy.

Overall, this was a pleasure to read, and I hope this review was helpful. I can't wait to read more of your work!


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L0ca1Tes1a says...


Thank you! i will edit it.



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117 Reviews

Points: 10436
Reviews: 117

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Mon Jun 03, 2024 12:13 am
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Moonlily wrote a review...



Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I figured since I did a review on your last version of this I figured I should check this one out. I will apologize if this is also a bit light on feedback this time.

I do enjoy how you expanded on this, it feels personal in a good way. I can tell you put your life in this and helps to paint the picture of this relationship. Overall I feel it deepened the themes and I wish you luck in your life.

I cant find anything to nitpick.

As always keep writing and drink water!




L0ca1Tes1a says...


Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the longer version!




We do have funerals for the living. They're called birthday parties.
— Jill Biden (fictitiously), Hope Never Dies