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opposites attract

by L0ca1Tes1a


Opposites attract. 

We are opposites. You are fluent in Spanish and are learning English, I am fluent in English and am learning Spanish.

We are opposites. I lived in America my whole life, you lived in Peru until you moved here a few weeks ago.

We are opposites. you make friends easily, I struggle with making friends.

We are opposites. You have a job, I want one.

We are opposites. You call me friend, I call you pretty boy.

We are opposites. You said "I love you friend.", I want to say "I love you, pretty boy.".

Opposites attract but they can't always be together.


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115 Reviews

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Sun Jun 02, 2024 1:11 pm
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Ljungtroll wrote a review...



Hi, Tesla! Ljungtroll here with a review.

This is a very sweet poem, and the feelings you/the speaker have for this boy come through clearly. I like the bluntness of the repeated line, "We are opposites" and the way you have structured this work--it captures crushes and young love quite nicely.

A couple critiques I have:

1) The final line makes sense after the penultimate line, but not after the rest of the poem. You've listed things that you don't have in common, but they aren't necessarily things that would prevent a relationship. I think the poem would benefit either from retooling this line into something slightly less clear-cut or expanding on other reasons this relationship wouldn't work out. For the moment, it doesn't quite convince me.

2) This is simply personal preference, but I would love each of these lines to be followed by a bit more information about the subject they address. Maybe these are attached to specific memories? I don't know how long you want the poem to be or if this is more of a call-and-response piece, but I would have been grabbed more by the work if there was something backing up each of these statements. For the moment, it's a very sweet and meaningful poem but keeps the stakes low in terms of emotional investment.
Again, this second critique is purely this reader's preference and that may differ from other readers and the intent of the creator (you). Feel free to ignore this part if it doesn't work with your vision!

Thank you so much for reading and for submitting this work. Great work, and have a fantastic day!

Best,
Ljungtroll




L0ca1Tes1a says...


Thank you! I understand what your're saying but I don't know what a penultimate line is. I am thinking bout adding slightly more detail to make more sense of why we can't be together.



Ljungtroll says...


You're very welcome! And a penultimate line is the one preceding the final line. In other words, the second to last one. Good luck with your work!



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Sat Jun 01, 2024 6:50 pm
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Moonlily wrote a review...



Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. Overall this might be a bit light on feedback since what caught my eye was already said before me. Overall I enjoyed this poem although it was on the shorter side of things. The message and feelings came out clearly and tugged at the heartstrings. I do wish you the best of luck life and romance can be tricky but it does get better.

Sorry for the really short review.

As always keep writing and drink water!




L0ca1Tes1a says...


Thank you!



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Sat Jun 01, 2024 1:17 pm
KaeRae88 wrote a review...



Hey, KaeRae here! I liked the concept of this poem how only one person is in love with the other. I really don't think this is much of a review, but one quick small adjustment

We are opposites. you make friends easily, I struggle with making friends.
the Y should be capitalized.

Also, maybe add ; instead of commas. I think its grammatically correct that way, but it is up to you whether you want to or not. It would look something like this
We are opposites. You are fluent in Spanish and are learning English; I am fluent in English and am learning Spanish.

We are opposites. I lived in America my whole life; you lived in Peru until you moved here a few weeks ago.
ect

Anyways hope this helped ~
Keep Writing, KaeRae




L0ca1Tes1a says...


Thank you! I some times rush while writing and I also did not know it should be a semi-colon.



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Fri May 31, 2024 3:12 pm
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SomeoneWriting says...



Maybe I am not very sure whether free writing like these are something, that someone like me should review. But I was able to feel every part of this, it's beautiful.
It had a blend of love and pain, as it generally is in real life, and it addresses that concept quite smoothly. However if we try to work on the flow of this prose, it can be made even better (though it's wonderful as it is). I know the term 'flow' here is very general, but the thing I want to say is it can be made such that the reader's mind can correspond with the prose.




L0ca1Tes1a says...


Thank you for the review!




Resistance is futile.
— The Borg