I am tired of being portrayed as the villain
You tell a story
A false story
Its events surprise even me
You make others believe your story
You leave out what you've done
You even believe it yourself
You have forgotten what you did to me
That's what makes you the real villain
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138,220 Literary Works • 672,084 Reviews
Hullo Junel! Cat back to review this lovely poem! Okay then, here we go!
I am tired of being portrayed as the villain
First, let's go through your poem together:
Spoiler
-
You tell a story
A false story
Its events even surprise me (Just a suggestion, but maybe 'Its events surprise even me', but just a thought)
-
You make others believe your story
You leave out what you've done (Yep.. I understand that)
You even believe it yourself (When you tell it too much.. yep)
-
You have forgotten what you did to me
That's what makes you the real villain
10/22/17
What I liked: The whole poem! I was so truthful.
What to fix/improve: Do a little more showing! It was a lot of telling and not much showing, so it made for a very simplistic poem that doesn't show all the emotions I know it holds. But I know it's hard, I have trouble with it too.
Other random comments: I think I covered everything I wanted to say...
Well anyways, lovely poem! Good job and keep writing!
Thanks for the review!
Thanks for sharing! You do definitely convey the deep frustration one feels when a person gossips and spreads lies about us. This is a very common and very annoying human bad habit used in order to look like the good guy. It's called card stacking. It can be either involuntary or on purpose. Sometimes the person's mind is brainwashed into believing that his biased opinion is the right one. So the person interprets everything that contradicts it as either nonexistent or bogus. In short, as the poem points out, some people even believe the lie they are spreading to be true themselves. That makes the person seem even more the villain than he or she already is as the poem points out.
Suggestion
The introduction tells instead of showing. What follows it shows what the first sentence of the poem already said. So in that sense we have a redundancy. The poem stands alone very well if it starts with the second line that describes the injustice and expresses the tired feeling of being abused.
Thanks for the review!