You called yourself the dog
You bit me
I forgave you
I gave you another chance
You bit me
I forgave you
I was more hesitant
You bit another
Without any remorse
I moved on
Now you blame me
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Yet another work added to your mass, I love it.
All of these are written really well, so it's a pleasure to read and review them. I like how you compared the toxic person to a dog. I think that works really well. Well, actually, it's not so much you who is comparing the person to a dog, as they did it themselves. I don't know in what aspect they used the comparison, but it may have originally been in a positive way. Dogs are seen as loyal and affectionate, and as amazing companions, so may-hap that was their original comparison.
However their original comparison, it was turned on them. As a whole it's pretty well written and articulated.
Right here, it is unclear as to whether you are referring to 'another' as someone besides you, or to the "dog" biting again. You may want to make that part a bit more specific. But other than that, this is great!
Excellent work,
Keep on writing!
Thanks! I see how that could be unclear. Editting time!
Hey again!
I'm seeing the same problems here as I did with your other poem. Work on using punctuation powerfully- bend it to your will instead of ignoring it. Also, I think some of these lines could be put together to make longer lines, but with commas in between. Maybe something like:
"You bit me, I forgave you,
I gave you another chance.
You bit me, I forgave you,
I was more hesitant."
Also, I think the poem ends too abruptly. It seems to peter out. I sense there's a potent mixture of rage and sorrow behind this poem- try to channel that more! Make us really feel those emotions. With the use of the word "dog", with all its various connotations, I think this poem could be more vitriolic than it is.
Thanks for the review! It does end quickly but its a part of a series of poems and so each one kinda only tells a short part and I'm trying to not repeat myself. Editing will be happening though, as soon as I finish writing the main ideas.
Ah, that makes a lot more sense. Keep up the good work