You've crossed the line again
And you won't come back
I have waited for it
I have wished for it
I tried to pull you across
But you ran away
There is nothing I can do
Your mind is made up
I have waited for it
I have wished for it
But now I must turn away
I need to give up
You've given up on the good
I won't follow you
I have waited for you
I have wished for you
I am done with you
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138,220 Literary Works • 672,084 Reviews
And here I am again to review your work!
Well, the poem is very nice, and it has a powerful message that you have conveyed to the readers rather easily, that too with very simple words. There aren't many nits to pick in this gorgeous little poem.
I didn't get it... has the narrator WISHED for their friend to cross the line? What sort of a friend would do that?
"I tried to pull you across" as in what? That the narrator's friend had already crossed the line, and the narrator tried to pull him back? That sort of dampens the power of the poem.
Well, that's it. You know, I would love to read out this poem to my friend who just ditched me. But I won't. It wouldn't be right. Anyway, congratulations on being such a good poet!
Hey, thanks for the review! The narrator is saying that they have wished for the person to return, sorry if that's a bit confusing.
Hullo Junel! Cat here to review this wonderful poem! Okay then, here we go!
You've crossed the line again
First, let's go through your poem together:
Spoiler
And you won't come back (Well this escalated quickly!)
I have waited for it
I have wished for it (Waited and wished for what?)
I tried to pull you across (Wait, pulled across what?)
But you ran away
There is nothing I can do
Your mind is made up
I have waited for it
I have wished for it
But now I must turn away
I need to give up
You have given up on good (Either given up for good or given up on goodness)
I won't follow you
I have waited for you
I have wished for you
I am done with you
11/7/17 (What's this for?)
What I liked: I really liked the message behind the poem, also that you didn't just come right out and say what you meant.
What to fix/improve: Just a couple misspellings, but otherwise good!
Other random comments: Sorry for all my questions during the poem, but I'm not the best with romance, so I don't get a lot of the things you're saying.
Well anyways, great poem! Good job and keep writing!
Thanks for the review. When I'm saying I have waited and wished I mean I have waited for the person to come back to me. And across I meant the metaphorical line. Would you mind pointing out what misspellings I made? I'm glad you enjoyed it though, even if you don't fully understand.
Also, the point of the good line isn't straightforward. It's a mixture of many meanings that I really leave up to interpretation.
Your welcome! Also, thanks for pointing that out for me!
Oh, the misspellings, right. Well, it was really only the good/goodness thing, but I see now that there is a specific reason you did that, so you're all good!
First, thanks for sharing. You have a very important poetic ability to very effectively convey whatever emotion is intended. Here is is the determination to stop insisting with a person who obviously doesn’t want to listen. I especially liked the determination expressed in poem's compelling last four lines. Excellent use of repetition for emphasis! The repeated skillful use of assonance as displayed in "wished" and "waited" and "mind" and "made" contributed to the poem's smooth flow.
Suggestions:
The first four lines of led me to believe that the speaker had wished for the person to cross the line and stay away. That’s because the pronoun “it” can only be linked back the the previous thoughts or its antecedents [crossing the line and not coming back] and in that way forces that meaning on it.
https://webapps.towson.edu/ows/pro_antagree.htm
It happens again further down with “you ran away.....” followed by wishing and waiting for it.
The expression “”You have given up on good.” caused me to pause and wonder whether the speaker meant “for good” or really meant “....on goodness”.
Thanks for the review. I'll have to think if there is any way to make it clearer, although I'm not sure, but I totally get where you are coming from.
Also, the point of the good line isn't straightforward. It's a mixture of many meanings that I really leave to interpretation.