You were the first to make me happy
You were the first to make me confident
You chose me
And built me up
Now you tear me down
You reached in to find my insecurities
Not to get rid of them
But to use them as a shield
Now you throw them back at me
Worse than they were before
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Good day Junel!
Your poem is really something. It is so relatable and so relevant to the current generation. I love this because I could feel your bitterness and resentment to this person; I had felt the emotion you are trying to portray evidently. So wonderful! Furthermore, understanding the meaning of this poem is quite easy yet it shows such a beautiful message. Also, this poem became like a great warning, for me, to know who to trust and to not.
All in all, I like the style of your poem. The ending was open and I really like continuing stories.
Keep it up!
Thanks for the review!
Hi, Junel! RavenLord here with a review!
So I really like the concept of this poem. The story of a person using another person's insecurities as a shield and lulling them into a sense of false security is really interesting.
One I see here is the lack of rhythm or theme for this poem. Even spoken-word poems have a structure. This poem just sounds like a few sentences separated into thrown-together stanzas.
This poem could also go on longer, I think. The last stanza leaves the story unfinished and sort of empty. Perhaps elaborating or reminiscing on the relationship between the two people in the next stanza would be the way to go. Also: Don't shy away from punctuation, at least at the end of a stanza! It helps with the expression and emotion in the poem.
That said, I do really like the shift in the middle with the line "Now you tear me down." The way you separated it from the rest of the poem was very clever.
Thanks for reading and great job, Junel!
Regards,
RavenLord
Thanks for the review! I tend to write short poems that only tell part of the story, because I write them when I myself only know part. Other poems tend to fill in the gaps, while also still leaving a lot up to interpretation and the reader's imagination. I just do it in an odd way.
Hiya there. Pastel here for a hopefully helpful review full of rambling, courtesy of Review Day!
I enjoyed reading this quite a bit. It made me think back to the times with my ex-boyfriend when he completely shattered my self-esteem. This poem reflects my exact thoughts, so of course, I instantly fell in love with this.
As far as suggestions go, I have one as well as a question. My suggestion would be to put some punctuation at the end of the lines. Maybe some commas, periods, semicolons, colons, etc. With the absence of them, the poem just seems a bit uncompleted, kind of like leaving a portion of the coloring page white.
And with my question, at the end, what does the date mean? Was it supposed to represent the date this pome was written? Does it represent the date as to which the events that inspired this happen?
Well, that's the end of my review, I hope you found it helpful. Cheers!
- Pastel
Thanks for the review! The date is the day I wrote it, which happens to be the date I was inspired to write it. I tend to only be able to write poetry in the moment, and hardly ever after.
hello, junel! shane here for a quick review!
overall, i really like your poem. it feels raw and real. fabulous work!
as for suggestions, i advise putting some commas, and maybe a few periods or colons. without them there, the piece feels a bit to rushed, i suppose.
other than that, you did a wonderful job!
keep writing,
~shane
Thanks for the review!
I enjoyed reading the description of deceit. Reminded me of the many times I have come across the same. Unfortunately, it seems that humans find deceit useful in order to get what they want. The poem conveys the frustration and hurt felt by the victim of such predatory individuals.
Suggestion:
More background information about the liar's motives and the speaker's way of finding him out would have been nice. Why does the speaker feel that the person was merely trying to build her up? How did she come to notice that the person was being insincere? What were the person's motives? What exactly did the person gain from the insincerity. How exactly did the person build you up? What tactics did the person use to convince you. How exactly was his or her insincerity finally revealed? Why did the person finally shift from building you up to tearing you down? All these are available to fit into the poem via hints if you should choose to expand it.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the review!
Hey Junel!
Really love the title and description you gave.
"You chose me
And built me up
-
Now you tear me down"
Very relatable words here, I would just like to say punctuality, however I'm guilty of this too!
"You reached in to find my insecurities
Not to get rid of them
But to use them as a shield"
Yeah I relate to this one on so many levels.
I like your poem, I only wish it was longer!
Keep writing!
Thanks for the review.