That’s what I say
And it's true every time
But I’ve never heard you say it
One word
Five letters
And you can’t say it
Only tell me that I lie
I don’t lie though
You do
9/17/17
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139,455 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
The message behind the poem is simple but true. Sorry is an impossible word for some people and when you ask them about it they say things such as I meant to say it or I'm sure I did.
I love how the poem builds up from the title it just makes your work even more wonderful and meaningful. I do however feel that you should show more passion and emotion. Try adding slightly more to give more depth so that the reader can connect slightly more.
Can't wait for more work from you.
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like my work.
Hello my dear, let's start right in.
To begin with, this poem is an interesting concept. It starts in the title and then build from there. However, it didn't seem so much like a poem as a couple thoughts written out in a poetry format.
There is one part that bugs me,
only tell me that I lie
When you say it like that, it seems like you're saying, "regardless, please tell me that I lie." "You only tell me that I lie" fits better and conveys your meaning better. Without verbal expression in not sure if that made sense, but I hope it did.
I do like what you have going here, but I feel that it is a bit empty. You may try to flesh it out a little bit, add a couple lines, possibly use some punctuation.
All in all, a good start
Keep on writing and don't give up!
Thanks for the review! This is short but its part of an entire book of poems I'm working on so it's really only telling a tiny portion of a story intentionally although I might try to add some more.
Yikes sorry for the duplicate reviews.
I like the message of the poem- the simple story that it tells, but I don't feel as if the poem has any flow or rythmn. I understand that its free verse, so you're not going for any specific meter or rhyme scheme, but a peom still needs to have rythmn to it. Also, try using punctuation in your poem. Punctuation isn't just an annoying thing we learned in elementary school, it helps add pauses and makes the strategic lack of punctuation even more powerful.
Keep up the good work!
I like the message of the poem- the simple story that it tells, but I don't feel as if the poem has any flow or rythmn. I understand that its free verse, so you're not going for any specific meter or rhyme scheme, but a peom still needs to have rythmn to it. Also, try using punctuation in your poem. Punctuation isn't just an annoying thing we learned in elementary school, it helps add pauses and makes the strategic lack of punctuation even more powerful.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the review. I get what your saying and I know puntuation is important but my keyboard for my laptop is half broken so I can't do commas currently. And its nearly impossible to edit these on my phone so Christmas i'm hoping for a new laptop!