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Young Writers Society


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Tips For Taking Over Summer Camp Chapter 5: Forget me! Is Rowan Ok?

by HolographicLadybug


Chapter Five: Forget Me! Is Rowan Ok?

By now we had come to the building that was closest to the lake. Wooden stairs supported a small porch that led to two white doors. On the left, GIRLS was spelled out in squiggly black letters and BOYS was scrolled messily onto the other. Dry pine needles rolled under our feet as we walked to my corresponding door.

Gripping the door handle, Cora gave me a quick smile and turned the knob.

My heart raced with anticipation. What would Rowan and the other campers be like? Would they be vicious, fowl-mouthed druggies who did nothing but play on their phones all day? Would I get along with them at all?

At last, after what felt like hours of distress, the door opened soundlessly (well, at least this camp wasn’t run-down), revealing a nice, clean room. A decorative stone fireplace sat on the wall opposite of the door and wooden bunk beds sat on the other walls opposite of each other. They looked very new, the maroon paint shining glossily. The baby blue sheets were wrapped neatly onto the bed like some sort of blue fajita, complete with pristine white pillows. To top it all off, a grey air conditioner roared quietly next to the door and the ceiling light was complete with a black fan.

On the top bunk of one of the bunk beds, a girl was hanging upside down, her poofy dark brown hair cascading towards the ground. Her face was hidden behind a thick red book, making it hard for me to make out her features.

“Rowan,” Cora said, “This is Molly.”

It was a moment before she set the book down, but when she did, it was really slowly. She examined me with wide, dark brown eyes. Her whole demeanour sent shivers off my spine. Her movements were done slowly and carefully like a cat stalking its prey. She flipped off the bed, landing in a crouched position.

She waited a while before she said, “Nice neon suitcases.” She jumped back onto the top bunk and crouched there. “Pick a bed, any bed. Except mine!” She hissed the last word, as if afraid that I would try to fight her for it.

Afraid that the girl was going to lunge at me, I darted towards the bottom bunk on the other side of the room. Man, what is wrong with that girl? I wondered.

“Now, I see that you two have been introduced,” Cora said. “I’ll be keeping an eye out for any more campers if you need me. Ciao!” She spun around and shut the door behind her, leaving me alone with the scary cat-girl.


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69 Reviews


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Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:19 am
NympheaLily wrote a review...



Top of the morning, NympheaLily here!

Ah ah ah! The story is getting good! But why does it have to be so shoooooooorrrt. I want to know about Rowan the crazy cat lady. I feel like you could've added a little more to the story and told us a bit of foreshadowing about Rowan the crazy cat lady. RCCL, no that makes her sound like a robot.. hmmm. You know what, in the interest of time, I'll just go with Rowan.

I love the suspense at the end and I'm heading over to go read the rest of the story right now. Keep this up and tell me if you're going to write any more about this summer camp (maybe a sequel??) And as always KEEP THOSE FINGERS TYPING!
Ciao!
~NympheaLily






Hi! Sorry about the very late reply. I've been off for the last while and am only now just starting to get to the reviews I've gotten.
I'm not planning a sequel for this, but the summer camp definitely plays a big role plot-wise. Of course, I can't tell you how yet because I'd end up spoiling the book. ;)
Thank you for all of the reviews!



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Fri Feb 05, 2016 10:01 pm
KaiRyu says...



Love the scary cat girl mention!!!:P






Thank you!
(Takes pride in Rowan)



KaiRyu says...


Yes...



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77 Reviews


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Fri Feb 05, 2016 10:00 pm
KaiRyu says...



Love the scary cat girl mention!!!:P




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Wed Feb 03, 2016 11:02 am
TriSARAHtops wrote a review...



Back again! This'll probably be a shorter review because there's less to say about this chapter because there's, well, less of it.

I didn't mind too much that this was a shorter chapter, because it had the focus that was a little lacking in some of the longer chapter. This was very much focused on introducing Rowan, and it stuck to that purpose. You also didn't have the summary sensation that I mentioned in my previous review - this felt very "in the moment", which means the reader feels more like they're in that moment with Molly.

I like the contrast you're starting to set up between the outside appearances of the camp and the more foreboding elements of it. I wouldn't mind if you played up that contrast a little more - have the descriptions of the nice furniture, the idyllic scenery, with glimpses of things that don't quite add up. Which is all starting to appear, but a little more wouldn't hurt, because it's creating this really interesting contrast, as well as challenging the more stereotypical, run down camp cliche that this could very easily have been.

Rowan seems like an... interesting individual. I'm not quite sure what to make of her yet, except that she's certainly cuts an intimidating figure. I think I'll have to see more of her character to really comment. But you've done well in introducing her.

Might have liked a little body language from Cora, to get more of a vibe about how she was feeling about the situation. Rowan's body language has been described pretty well, but I think getting more of a feel about how Cora acts and moves would really add something to the scene.

Can't think of much else to say regarding this chapter. As always, let me know if you have any questions, and see you tomorrow at the next chapter!




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Sun Jan 31, 2016 11:22 pm
cpedro wrote a review...



Hello again! And a review coming up... agaaiinn! ;)

I liked your introduction of Rowan. Specialy the way you played her personality with that of a cat's. Even the girl's gestures are like a cat: '...landing in a crouched position' (smart what you did here). I do have, however, a complain about this chapter. It's too small! I want to read more about their interection with each other. I get that you probably are going to talk about it in the next chapter, but after reading this bit, it left me adrift, with a feeling of something's missing. I think you could add more to this because it will definitely grabb the reader's attention and allow him to absorv Rowan more.

-'On the top bunk of one of (the) bunk beds, a girl was...'

I have a question (dammed curiosity ;)). Are they allowed to have their cell phones with them? Because it doesn't make much sense that they do. Them being teenagers would just end up spending their time on the cell phone. I also question out of personal experience because in my times of summer camp we weren't allowed to have our cell phones. We did have 1 hour everyday after dinner to use it.

Onto the next one hehe!
Keep writing!




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Mon Jan 25, 2016 3:44 pm
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Rin321 wrote a review...



Hello again HolographicLadybug! CHRISSY321 back once again to review! (Hope you are not getting sick of me! :P )

Okay! This chapter was actually fairly short! There really was not anything to fix, so this is all I saw:

My heart raced with anticipation. What would Rowan and the other campers be like? Would they be vicious, fowl-mouthed druggies who did nothing but play on their phones all day? Would I get along with them at all? Soooooo many questions!


Again with the 'sooooooo'! I think again that you really do not need to stretch it out like this, specially because he is only thinking it! I think again if you really want to emphasize it, just use italics!

Other than that, I just saw some great components in this chapter that I really liked:

She jumped back onto the top bunk and crouched there. “Pick a bed, any bed. Except mine!” She hissed the last word,


I really like how here you really do stress how she sounds, and how she it. You helped me picture her, and just using these few techniques are really good for your writing!

She spun around and shut the door behind her, leaving me alone with the scary cat-girl.


This made me chuckle! I thought it was really funny that you said this because of the way she was talking before! Great things like that really make the reader chuckle, and enjoy the story more. It listens up the strict book, and readers appreciate it! :)

I am really enjoying that story! I am off to the next chapter!
Chrissy <3






Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm glad you are enjoying it. :D I have changed the stressed word.




If you want something badly, you just gotta believe it's gonna work out.
— Andy, Parks & Rec