RimChainHook

Hi GreenLight,

I'm going to have to say I don't really understand this poem. I can see it is about black people but I don't understand "how" it is about them. It just seems to jump all over the place and I don't see a main theme to it... (sorry if this sounds harsh I'm just not seeing it). Individually the lines make sense but I don't see how they fit together. Also the ending just seems abrupt.

Overall this poem is confusing and I don't quite get it... Make sure too keep writing.

-Incohesive Scribbles

(again sorry for the negative review I just don't see the main topic of this poem)

This is hilarious,
yet somewhat offensive,
but in a payful demeanor,

I'd suggest something but I'd ruin it.

So,

Honestly,
Don't do it again... Lol..
But, it was ....

Yeah.
Keep writing.

Haha, hilarious.

Their isn't much to say, I love your style, your word choice, and your theme. The only thing I would point out is that the transition from satire to reality is kind of jumbled, I couldn't follow what you were saying. Other than that, great job!

Hey, yo, GreenLight24! Strange here and I have a review for you! When I clicked on the Green Room, and saw three works submitted by you, I was shocked. Probably by the fact that I haven't seen a work from you in forever. I read this work, and it interested me. Probably by my utter "love" for satire, so let's dive into the poem.

Nothing like kicking off a satire poem with blatant racial stereotypes. The whole point of satire is to comment on society as a whole in a very sarcastic way. To deliver this sarcasm, you need to have a punch or just a simple parody. Some think just mocking something would be satire, but for it to be good satire, it needs to have a good twist. Let me tell you something.

I liked this poem quite a bit

You delivered on witty punches. Punches that had home run strength behind them, but it leaves a nice feeling afterwards. This poem could be just titled How to be black and work. They both have the same message. It starts off as a simple mockery that sums up what White Culture thinks of Black Culture, and what they think it is, in a sense. Gold rims! Gold chains! Gold hooks! Twerking!

After the first part, which ends at with it gets a bit simple. Too simple for my liking, actually. It feels like the down side of a roller coaster, but will the roller coaster ever go up? For some reason, I felt that you had a bit of uncertainty when you were talking about gold chains, showcasing this awkward humor. Though there is a chance it may be unintentional, it was smart. However, this roller coaster picks up.

Mocked by BET and E!

The new Negro Spiritual is rap--

The new Abolitionist is Bill Maher

“Teach me how to twerk!” on Tumblr.

“No.” I reply.