Young Writers Society

BEFORE YOU COMMENT:

Just know this is a controversial poem.
I was experimenting with feminist principles which I'm not completely well versed in, but am fascinated by.

I isn't mean any offense to men or women, and I think that this poem does not give way to any kind of an attack on either gender.

What I rather meant to portray was an independent, ambitious, competitive side of the female consciousness that sees men as entities to compete with rather than entities to depend on. But everyone's entitled to their own opinions, and I will respect and take all into account.

This poem is coolness.
I like how every couple lines you interluded with the word 'woman'.
The message in this poem is plain as day. It says, "GIRLS ARE AWESOME!", and I totally agree.
As you have been told many times over there are way to many capital letters. I understand. I love to capitalize things too, but when things are edited, some people just don't like it.
Other than that I saw no mistakes, and loved everything I read.
herby

Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful Review Day!

Technical:
"She has Ambitions, Aspirations, desires, and Dreams." Why isn't "desires" capitalized like the rest of the items in that list?

"men.", she scoffs, "The leaders of the Earth." should be written "Men," she scoffs. "The leaders of the Earth."

"Often their Weakness lies within their Desire for," why is the comma there? This idea flows into the next line, and you break it off with a pause there.

"they Need Her.

they Need Woman.

Who gives life, can take it away just as easily.", the "they"s should be capitalized, and you should put a comma after "Woman".

I think I realize that you're now intentionally not capitalizing "man".

"man is Subject to the earthly evils;Lust, Greed, Misery, and the like." Your semi-colon should be an actual colon, and there should be a space between it and "Lust".

An objection to the philosophy of "Woman is Ruler of the Earthly Virtues: Patience, Prudence, and Unconditional Love." You make it seem like Woman is not capable of the vices men are. That's a lie. It's just not true; both genders are capable of both vices and virtues. Men are capable of the virtues that are listed there as well.

I don't know if this was your intent, but your portrayal of women wasn't exactly admirable; it struck me as kind of cold. Okay, not kind of. You blatantly say women are cold: "Her Cold disposition makes them Wonder why she does not Need them." Yet somehow they're warm and loving with "Unconditional Love"? Not all women possess that trait, by the way.
I was expecting a poem praising women. Instead I found one stripping women of their natural beauty, and attacking men at the same time. That's rather sad.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HI.

Biggest issue here is capital letters.
TOO MANY CAPITAL LETTERS.
Ah.
Too many.
You make almost every word a proper noun, its not. You may have turned these letters capital to indicate significance but it doesn't work. Why> Because you do it TOO much. If you had just capitalized a few for significance it would have worked but you do far too many. Its insane.

One thing that the capital letters were successful about was the lack of capitalization of every time you said man. It was very effective and portrayed how they are lesser. Capitalize all Woman and a few other words. But I feel like you have just done too much here.

This is a very streamlined idea, on the fact that woman are powerful because men need them. Well that is completely true, and its impossible for men to live without them. There are so many greater reasons you could have included in here, since the fact on needing one another could be written exactly the same with gender reversal in this poem.

You also are generalizing by saying things about all woman needing l=and giving love and all. But this is your opinion and I like it. I think that feminists are more inclined to like this poem, whether they be male or female- as I am one myself, but in that point I feel like the reasons you could have potentially explored beneath this poem have fallen short.

Despite this I found this entertaining and looking past the capital swarm, I really liked it. It was a fun read and was a nice change from some of the normal love poetry we see here. I like your ideas a ton and I think you could write some more poetry exploring this theme to practice and hone your skills as well as having a chance to explore more ideas about gender dominance. Have fun writing.