Author's Note: Hey, everyone. This is just a little poem/prose hybrid piece I wrote to summarize what I've been feeling lately. Enjoy!
This Time.
We smile when we see each other;
We laugh when we're together.
No one else has a laugh like she does,
And she makes me laugh like no one else can.
I'm myself around her. And she's herself around me.
We're so vulnerable together.
And we like it like that.
We couldn't imagine it any other way.
We're friends; best friends.
That's all we're meant to be.
Two peas in a pod.
Two peas in a pod.
But the feeling.
I just can't shake it.
It's a warm feeling,
That makes my toes curl up,
And my chest tighten,
As it struggles to keep my beating heart,
From leaping out into her arms.
I just can't hide it,
But I've got to.
I can't let my heart do what it wants to.
I won't let it control me.
But the feeling.
I just can't shake it.
And I don't want to hide it anymore.
I won't hide it.
And I can't.
One day, two days, three days have gone by.
It's time.
The rustling trees are singing songs of love and courage.
"How are you today."
"I'm fine. You?"
"Good...I've been meaning to-"
"I know. I'm just not ready right now."
Silence.
Utter Silence.
"Well, I-"
"I know. And I'm sorry."
"But-"
"I'm just not ready...sadly...not this time."
Confusion.
Utter Confusion.
"What? Well...wh-"
"When I'm ready."
Doubt.
Utter Doubt.
"Okay."
The trees aren't singing anymore.
I'll wait.
I have to wait.
And I will.
We smile when we see each other;
We laugh when we're together.
No one else has a laugh like she does,
And she makes me laugh like no one else can.
I'm myself around her. And she's herself around me.
We're so vulnerable together.
And we like it like that.
We couldn't imagine it any other way.
We're friends; best friends.
That's all we're meant to be.
Two peas in a pod.
Two peas in a pod.
But the feeling.
I just can't shake it.
And I Never will.
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140,396 Literary Works • 673,155 Reviews
Seriously... what a great piece of work. I enjoyed it. Crazy good! Nice job
Wow thanks! That's very nice of you!
Sure thing!
I really enjoyed reading this, because I know exactly what this poem means, and what it feels like. I love the repetition, and how everything is so perfect, until she says she can't. And I wasn't expecting that. And the way you used nature to describe it "The rustling trees are singing songs of love and courage." I love that part, because when you experience love, it really does feel like everything around you supports you.
Thanks! I'm glad u liked it!
Awww! That's just the first thing that hit me, was awww. But gosh, can I relate. I had a guy I liked since I was a little bitty 6th grader. He was one of my best friends, and he never noticed, so I just kept it to myself. Eventually, around 9th grade, I tried letting him know, and was quite shut down. But I will say, eventually he fell for me, then he was scared to make a move cause he thought I had moved on. But, now we are together, and have been for nearly two years. So stay strong, you never know! But this really captures the frustration of waiting, of always being so close to them but never quite close enough. So, I love it for the subject.
Okay, now for format, structure, and all that not as fun stuff. I actually like how this is kind of stream-of-consciousness, I feel like it makes it more personal, like I'm in your head, hearing these thoughts. One thing I do advise is to try and cut out some of the ands and buts that are starting so many of your sentences. A lot of those would still be complete sentances without the and or but, and sound a little better. Some of them definitely need to be started with the and or the but, though, so I would just read over that.
I would usually advise to not have so many periods and short lines, cause it usually gives a choppy sound, but I think it's working here.
Overall, good job, and good luck!
Thanks a lot for the writing tips! I'm also really thankful for your advice. She and I have been and still are practically inseparable, and as early as it is in our lives, I know she's the one. But for now I'm left with the "frustration of waiting". I appreciate what you had to say. I will stay strong. She's 150% worth it!