Author's Note: HA! Church...
Church
Religious Science? Paradox!
Humanity, cry foul!
When God tells politicians in red ties
To kill Chaz Bono and Ellen Degeneres
Say “No!”
“Take me to church…”
Take me to 1859
When John Brown’s Raid
FAILED SO MISERABLY.
Brown Claimed to be a Christ figure
Because he was freakishly tall and had large hands…
LeBron James is no Christ--
When God sends tall people, He sends the rain too
‘Cause people fall in like raindrops
Upon their very own heads…
To see the race riots
Or the playoff game
Or the concert
Or the Kardashian Sex Tape
While John Brown’s Ghost slam dunks the ball in Purgatory.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,960 Literary Works • 672,373 Reviews
Hey I'm Ash and I am here to write a review:
Okay so like-wow. I liked this poem. But please don't base church completely off of people's dumb actions and such. I'm not a fan of church myself (Although I am Catholic) and yes I will agree people are being dumb.
But other than that this is powerful and I really like it.And yes I agree a lot of people use church as an excuse for homophobia. I myself am a part of the LGBTQ+ community and yes my own family even uses church as an excuse . SO I agree with that.
But yeah. Also uncapitalize the all caps line. It might drive people away. And that's a no-no.
Other than that great job! I need to check out more works of yours
Hello! Retro here to do a review.
Okay I'll do a quick nitpick then talk about what I loved okay?
My nitpick is only a suggestion but the line in capitals...I would say decapitilise it. Not for sake of form or anything like that but primarily because it turns this clever excellent poem into a rant. It just comes off as...pretentious I guess. For me it ruins the poem a bit because it is so in your face so I'd suggest decapitalising but that's just me.
By on the actual poem itself. This is in a word. Fantastic. I love your cultural reference. Your form works perfectly within it. It is so clever with how you intertwine things. It's somewhat humourous with underpinned seriousness. This is excellent, I rarely give works a like unless they truly merit it and this one certainly does.
Bravo,
Keep up the good work.
Retro
Hey, yo, GreenLight24! Strange here and I have a review for you! You are dumping a lot of poetry right now, which is awesome because they are all comments on society. I love comments on society. It only floats my boat. Though this doesn't deliver like RimChainHook does, it still is quite funny and witty. Let me dive into it, shall we?
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN SCIENTOLOGY THEN, HUH?! HUH?!
You start this out very cliched and simple, actually. You have the same set up like most poems of this style has, which I can't complain about, but it isn't the best. To be effective, you have to put it on a pedestal and attack aggressively. You attacked moderately and put it on a elevated platform. That isn't the best, but it isn't the worst.
Now, you just stomping on fools who believe this, and elevating your opinion. Very common technique, but for some reason, it's always a technique that works. The way how you provide emphasis, sarcasm, and overall bitterness is nice. Your most recent satire, though all do revolve around the same formula, are unique in their own ways. "Let's take this poem, apply it to a different thing, and have fun" is initially what you're doing. If it isn't broke, don't fix it.
He is my Christ <3
The way you talk about how people want to follow what they want to follow is nice. This is all a nice poem. Not too simple, not too complicated. Not too mundane, not too over the top. It is in the middle, and it is nice. Now, the final line, I personally thought, was fantastic.
Thank you for this. Overall, it was a nice and funny poem. A little bit of mistakes, but it's a fully functioning satire.
Good job! Keep writing! Stay groovy!
Lau here for a review!
First: wauw. That was a lot of pop culture. Hahahah
Second: I like the message you want to show.
Third: I liked the poem.
Fourth: please keep in mind that not all christians and relegion is homophobic.
Thank you.
hi thanks.
i don't think all religion is homophobic, but i do think religion is the most common excuse for outright homophobia and discrimination.