Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Literature

E - Everyone

The Unfini....

by GeeLyria

Through this piece, I attempt to share the idea that, though language is our thinking tool, it often leaves us unsatisfied. The reason why I use The Starry Night as a reference is because of a friend's interpretation of the painting, as she shared that the ambivalence caused by language is often as blurry as Van Gogh’s starry night. 

Note: The slats of an airplane allows it to stay in the heights for longer. 

(Shall I compare my thoughts to fireworks

Furious, vivid, serene blast

to an attempt to reach the starry night

just to swoon down to its start,

as a vibrant, content cry...

Yet, though language sings its tries,

It’s an airplane with flawed slats,

…ephemeral are the halts in our heights…

And thus, we get punctuation marks,

To point out what is unfinished(.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
120 Reviews

Points: 4842
Reviews: 120

Sun May 29, 2016 1:45 am
View Likes
RippleGylf wrote a review...

I absolutely love this poem. Very true.

So, I'm currently confused by the punctuation, especially the parentheses. Why are they not closed, and is it purposeful? If it is intended to be a part of the poem, and I'm just being dense, that's perfectly fine. I'm also confused by the ellipses here:

It's an airplane with flawed slats,
...ephermeral are the halts in our heights...

The two different punctuations side by side are confusing to read both mentally and "aloud." It doesn't seem purposeful, the juxtaposition of the two. The ellipses by themselves without the comma before it would be fine, but not with the comma, if that makes any sense.

Overall, just a short, sweet, well-written poem. Keep writing!

User avatar
184 Reviews

Points: 36
Reviews: 184

Sat May 28, 2016 4:43 pm
View Likes
RoyalHighness wrote a review...

Royal here for a review!
I'm always down for poetry that involves language and punctuation. John Donne's poetry is a great example of how powerful punctuation and diction can be, and I think you expressed that well in this piece.
That being said, I'm not sure why "Furious" is capitalized. All the other words that are not the start of the sentences aren't capitalized, so it makes me wonder if there's some deeper meaning intended by the capitalization of a word mid-sentence. I like it. I can see there's a deeper meaning there. But I'm not seeing the meaning itself, if that's what's intended.
Personally, I am not a fan of ellipses in poetry or ever. I hate ellipses. They are the devil's work. But I understand their value as an artistic choice, and I applaud your metaphorical usage of them in this piece. Also, love the word "ephemeral," just always and everywhere, I love that word.
I am not sure of the purpose of the parantheses at the beginning and ending; I love them, don't get me wrong. I love the implication that they have a deeper meaning. But again, I'm not sure what that meaning is. This is a thinker, and I love it. I'm not a fan of poems that spell things out for me, so don't think that I'm complaining about not seeing the meaning. I love not seeing the meaning-- it makes me think about it harder. But I'm letting you know that if keeping the meaning a bit of a mystery or up to the reader's interpretation was your intention, you've done that extremely well and I am loving it.
But again, in the second stanza, we see more capitalized words mid-sentence where before, the sentences were capitalized according to regular grammar rules. Do the capitalized words have meaning or are they arbitrary or am I insane? Who knows. I go a little crazy for capitalization and hidden meanings and deep metaphors.

Overall, I thought this was very well done; it was concise, beautiful, simple without being simplistic, and really made me think. Much love, hope to see more.

User avatar
230 Reviews

Points: 1224
Reviews: 230

Fri May 27, 2016 10:20 pm
View Likes
yellow says...

Lovely! <3

User avatar
485 Reviews

Points: 21027
Reviews: 485

Fri May 27, 2016 7:32 pm
View Likes
Elijah says...

Hello there!
First of all, your gif avatar just made me gaze at it for 30 minutes before reading whatever it is. XD
I finally, after staring for 10 minutes, realized what the tittle actually was. I needed some time, ha?
Well, this work is amazing even if it is kind of not fully understandable for my own self. I like that you had added a picture, always something to point out and catch the eye. I think I start to understand how you showed us your thoughts about what the language could do.

Good job and keep on working! *this deserve more likes*

User avatar
53 Reviews

Points: 236
Reviews: 53

Thu May 26, 2016 5:26 pm
View Likes
ishitadutt says...

This is so cool! I totally saw what you did there in the title and the last line. Your friend's interpretation makes perfect sense to me.

"She doesn't even go here!"
— Damian Leigh