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An Ode to YWS but with Laundry Detergent

by FireEyes


Oh Yewis, so much writing knowledge to Gain

You are my Sunlight I cannot go a day without

Arms & Hammers are nothing to our pen & mind

Bringing together works of different Tides

And we're always trying to give our All

The green room knights are Swashbucklers

X-tra support is there for thee who need it

You give Honest reviews on grows and glows

A new featured member everyone will Cheer on

What will the Seventh Generation think of #classified

They will know the community was the Purex


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Wed Jun 09, 2021 4:43 pm
LilPWilly says...



Woah what’s with all the laundry detergent poems in the past day or so




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Mon Jun 07, 2021 1:25 pm
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NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey FireEyes!

This is a really great poem! I love how you include a laundry detergent in every line! It's a really innovate idea, and you've implemented the concept really well. I like how the laundry detergents' names and the YWS references go together hand in hand without a hitch.

This is probably my favorite line:

The green room knights are Swashbucklers


This is a great description of the knights of the green room, and their chivalrous act of reviewing works so that all of them have reviews and so that the green room doesn't get overcrowded.

I also liked this part:
What will the Seventh Generation think of #classified

They will know the community was the Purex


On the whole, it is a great poem without any errors at all. Can't wait to read more of your work.

Keep writing. (:




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Mon Jun 07, 2021 3:58 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



I do not know why detergent (+dishwasher) poetry is trending on YWS right now, but I'm here for the movement. @starlitmind @chikara your movement ... it's spreading!


~~~
FireEyes,

I like how you were able to incorporate so many brand names and also like specific YWS references in this too - a lot of times when people do a brand drop (most often I've seen people try this out with candy bar names I guess) the details are kind of generic to squish to fit the theme - but you actually were able to get a lot of specificity in this to really make it feel unique to yws! Like the notes about KotGR and the featured member and CLASSIFIED! I was smiling the whole way through.

A couple suggestions -

Capitalization
I'm all for artsy capitalization, but I think in this poem it got a little chaotic. On one hand maybe you were going for a sort of "casual - internet lingo vibe" so were purposely mixing capitalization styles, but I think it made the poem come across a bit messy maybe in my opinion. (Though it may have added to the humor-factor for others!) I think it makes sense to keep the brand names capitalized, but words like "Pen & Mind" and "So" and "Support" shouldn't be capitalized I don't think unless there's a reason. I believe "Green Room" is normally stylized as capitalized rather than "green room" but that one is a bit more iffy.

Order / Logic
I think the order of the piece was also a bit mish-mashed - and in part I think that this was due to the lack of end-sentence capitalization anywhere, so it all read together but some of the lines didn't quite go together. The last two lines for instance didn't really seem to "close" the piece together and instead of being addressed to the site were addressed as a question - I think perhaps shifting those last two lines to further up in the poem, and getting a final line that hits the message you're trying to say a bit more would be good. Ending on a question is a difficult way sometimes for a poem to make a statement, and reasonably so!

Suggestion
I know the poem was about YWS and the puns were about Laundry detergents - I think if somehow you could bring up the subject of detergent in relation to YWS it'd make the poem much stronger and give a more "aha!" moment. I'm not quite sure how to tackle that, but maybe something about "cleaning the Green Room" or "shining up writers" or something like that - it'd give another level to the pun connection so it's not quite as random.

Overall, this was an entertaining piece to read, and I love seeing people tackle humor poetry on YWS! <3 I hope you go for another one soon!

All the best,

alliyah




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Sun Jun 06, 2021 9:53 pm
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Liberty says...



Image




FireEyes says...


XD thanks!



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Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:49 am
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anne27 wrote a review...



Hi FireEyes!! I'm back for a review !!

First of all, Wow!! This poem is sooo creative and clever of course.I absolutely loved the nickname Yewis(god knows why, I hadn't heard it before!). This poem was so cute and kind. The brand names were used so well. There was one places which could have been better though-
For eg. the usage of 'thee' in the 5th last line was a little odd. Since the whole poem was written in modern english language, also using modern ideas like '#'. I'm quite sure Shakespeare didn't use #, or did he ? :?
It could be a typo, but I thought I'll just point that out.

Other than that, the poem flows great!!

They will know the community was the Purex

This has got to be my favorite line and it was such an amazing conclusion :D

Keep writing!'cause you are so creative :)




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Sun Jun 06, 2021 6:21 am
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slubbs24 wrote a review...



Slubbs here with a review.

I absolutely loved this I don’t have a poor thing to say about it. You put so much creativity in your works it brings a smile to my face.

This poem was hilarious and very out of the box! I do hope you make this into almost a series and do more brands.

Overall this was an absolute smashing poem and I think it will bring joy to all who read it!

I also learned a few more detergent brands, thank you for that. XD

Fun poem, keep on writing!

~slubbs




FireEyes says...


I'm glad you enjoyed it! And tbh I had to scour the internet for more laundry detergent brands lol



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Sun Jun 06, 2021 2:08 am
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TheWarriorMingan wrote a review...



LOL. I love this poem!

I've spotted just a few grammatical errors:

Arms & Hammers

I'm not sure if you meant to put these words in plural. Just checking.
nothing to our Pen& Mind

Remember to put a space in between 'Pen' and the '&' symbol.

Alright, that's it! This poem was very funny, I would love to read another one from you with another series of brands. (I would do candy!) Good job!

-Sincerely, Mingan

Remember: Follow your heart, and nothing can go wrong. (Concerning writing.)




FireEyes says...


Thank you! And I might do more like this ;) it originally came to me when I was doing laundry lol





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But answer me this: how can a story end happily if there is no love?
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane