Young Writers Society

A beautiful poem of redemption. Sometimes, when we've fallen so deep down a hole, we need help from others to get to. The problem is, we don't always know who to ask for help. So we sit in the hole, silently wishing to be rescued. The best people are the ones that see you need help getting out of the hole and give you a helping hand. Those are the people who do everything in their power to make sure you don't fall down that hole again. They make you feel loved, accepted, and free.

Hi this is a beautiful poem. It touched my heart and it was overwhelming in ways. This journey you undertook and you shared with us all- is so brave. This version of yourself inspires me too. Trust me! This poem has lot of learning points and to look forward and be a better version of oneself. I just swayed as I read this poem along with it.
My favourite lines from your literary piece are these
she gave me something to look for

and even more, something to adore.
In all, a beautiful work. Keep writing and working!!!

Hey FireEyes,

I thought after all the very lovely reviews you left me over RevMo that I could return the favor and leave a review for you!

Meaning
So I interpreted this poem in two ways.
Interpretation 1) the poem is about how the speaker's friend or maybe romantic interest? helped them to remove their mask of fear and self-doubt and start to really open up and also live life. It shows how vulnerability can allow people to live to the fullest.

2) Because of all the recent political tensions surrounding masking, I'm curious if there was a sub-political message intended from this? I'm not sure that's the direction you were really trying to go to say that vulnerability in the form of not masking during covid is something desirable, but I think that sub-plot could potentially be read in there. If that's not the meaning you were going for, I would almost debate seeing if there's a word outside of mask that could be used as a metaphor to avoid that meaning. Like blanket, or wall perhaps. It's interesting how a word can get so fire-charged, certainly!

suggestions
I think some of the rhyming is feeling a tad forced - especially with the word "flask" (which with it's connotations to an alchohol flask, I felt didn't really go with the first image of hiding under the covers which seems very juvenile, while this felt very world-weary or even an allusion to alchoholism) that word is just too weighty I think to use unless you're actually trying to comment on alcholism in the poem - in which case it could be a bit more up front.

Using "alas" was another place that I didn't feel like the word fit the rest of the vibe of the poem, so the rhyming got a bit distracting for me. You might experiment with writing this poem without rhyme, and then re-writing it with rhyme and see if the rhyming is restraining you or helping you overall.

highlights
I think the real highlight of this poem was the narrative was very clear and easy to follow and that made it easy to connect to the speaker and story, you did a good job keeping it concise but also putting in enough details to pull at the heart strings and make us care about the speaker that's a tough balance sometimes to leave just enough info, but not too much. I think the first stanza where the speaker is hiding, really highlights this the most. You're a good narrative poet!

Also very good usage of refrain of the "never again" this repeated made it sound like the speaker was becoming more and more resolute in their wishes and anger.

Overall, I enjoyed giving this a read, and look forward to reading more of your poetry in the future!

~alliyah

This is gem climbing out of her coffee mug for a quick review.

Hi Fire, I am not completely sure, but I don't think I've reviewed any of your works. If I have apologies, haha. I would just like to inform you that it peaked my interest. I haven't seen a ton of recent works from you. It is very nice to see something from you, and I'm very happy to review it. :>

I will start by saying I like the wording of the poem, by my interpretation the meaning of the poem is very sweet and thoughtful. My take on the message in the poem is that the speaker finds a way to break her own mask. By slowly attempting to love herself, changing bad habits and treating herself kindly. She in the end discovers her own self love. Now, this may not have been the intended take-away and if not I am curious to what you envisioned so do tell.

I could also see like a different interpretation, of like the speaker finding a new friend. Their friend in this interpretation slowly chips away the mask by telling and showing the speaker how beautiful they are when they are themself. This interpretation is equally heartwarming. If this is not the interpretation either, I am definitely still curious.

If this was intended to be open ended, then could you tell me what inspired it? I think that a poem this deep is really special and motivating. <3


I didn't catch any disruptive wording or spelling errors. I also do not think the puncuation hinders the poem in any way.

On a completely different note however, an optional note might I add. I think experimenting with different formatting would be fun for you to look into. I don't have anything against your current formatting, so don't confuse that. My reason for saying this is that about two years ago a fellow yewisian suggested that I do the same, and I think it helped me grow into my poetry more :>.

I love your poem Fire. I couldn't find anything wrong with it, but hey that doesn't mean you can't still improve. We are here to learn after all. <3


Keep writing, keep reviewing.

This is gem signing off and jumping back into her coffee mug.

Hey @FireEyes is me jay here to drop off a review from your work that was amazing

lets get started with your work

First off @FireEyes this was a good poem that i read never again but this was such a amazing poem that i read @FireEyes it was sad to me a little bit i almost cried when i first read this i almost had tears but this was such a good poem i im glad that i get to read a such a lovely poem from you @FireEyes

Second my compliment from you @FireEyes is just your work is so wonderful the words and how you have it edit @FireEyes

and how you can improve is to keep working on other stuff and focus on your own work


keep up the good work @FireEyes by jay!! a little quick review