Color Haikus

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Mon May 24, 2021 3:31 pm

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twiggy wrote a review...

Hello FireEyes! hannah here for a quick review.
Haha wow, this was so cool. Colors are perfect for haiku's and these were really cool and poetic and I didn't find a single one that didn't follow the 5-7-5 syllables.

Grows:
"Serenity; clam"

"clam" should be "calm"!

I also did feel like these were a little stereotypical, such as this:

"Pink

Small girl gets a purse

Puts her stuffed poodle in it

Thinks she is the world"

But I must admit that it made me laugh.

Glows:
Ah I loved these! They were so good and it seemed like the colors had personalities. I wouldn't say that these are based on stereotypes if that is what you meant for it! I really liked this haiku:

Grey

"Neutral in all things

More to it than just neutral

Mix of light and dark"

That one was my favorite.

I hope this review was helpful! Keep writing and have a great day. I hope to hear more from you!

hannah

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Sun May 23, 2021 8:14 pm

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milkweed wrote a review...

Hello there!

I think this is a really cool idea! Colours are really poetic if you think about it because there are so many ways to make them special. There are primary colours, which are very common and generally most people know them. Then there are other colours that really no one knows by name; like vermilion is a vibrant shade of red, and celadon can be considered the perfect shade of mint, and even birch can be considered pretty to people who love simpler colours.

Now, like I was hinting at above, there are many types of colours within a single name. What kind of red were you imagining when writing that because it can change the whole meaning of the poem? I could ask the same for the rest of poems here, because colours go from dark to light, from pastel to murky, and so many more things like that.

Here is an example of what I mean:

Green

Serenity; clam

Always there to give advice

The one with kind eyes

This gives a good image of what you believe to be associated with the colour green, but I'm not quite sure what green you're talking about. Because of all of those varying emotions brought upon by different shades, specifying is needed here.

You could be talking about the colour laurel~

You could also be talking about smaragdine, a more teal shade~

I could go on with how many shades fall under the category of green, but I think you understand what I'm trying to say here and how much it actually changes your poem's overall atmosphere and supposed meanings I could gather.

This goes into another thing I have to mention; all of the ways you describe the colours are very stereotypical. When we think of green, we think of nature. When we think of pink, we think of rotten rich kids. When you think of red, we think of angry people. All of that is very cliché in my opinion, and I'd prefer to see a new perspective.

You could also take those old ideas and throw in some new ones, like with~

Pink

Small girl gets a purse

Puts her stuffed poodle in it

Thinks she is the world

Maybe the girl thinks she is the world, but how does that actually affect her? Maybe she is dealing with issues at home, and as a coping mechanism, she acts snotty towards other people. I think playing around with ideas like that could create another layer to the emotions you already have going on here, which would be a nice change.

That's about everything I have to say!

Cheers!

Young Writers Society

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