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12+

I'm Insane

by FireEyes


Tell me everything I've done, and tell if they're weird

I cannot keep my head straight on my neck

Everything I say is incoherent or downright incomprehensible

Weird obsessions and crazy people fill my mind

~~~

murder plots, serial killer tendencies, and unusual body language

laughing at inappropriate things at the wrong time

watching my sister as she slept quietly in the morning

keeping an eye on everyone, and i mean everyone

~~~

not trusted with any shrp objects when i was youger

strange looks and juding stares from family and friens

isolaed from the popular groups because of my bouts of laugher

biting eveythng in sight just to make indentions or holes

~~~

tWitchity twitchIdy Twitch all my body parts on the ready for attck

preSsure builds up in my cHest and only gets rleased with screamS and lAughs

why wOnt you let me Pinch yoU/ it wont hurt a biT

the twiches turn into punChes and sLaps and kIcKs and biTes

~~~

it$ ok^y th0ugh

!T d0Esnt man!feSt intO mY d@Y tO DaY liF3

oR do3s iT/

~~~

I don't know


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55 Reviews


Points: 2523
Reviews: 55

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Tue Apr 06, 2021 9:49 am
akanbright wrote a review...



I like the way you tried giving an overview description of your insanity and thats realkt nice of you, but just like other poems and including I, no one is perfect and so there are definitely some few things I hold against your poem and that's why it's a review.
Firstly, the poem is nice but I think the mood and tone of the poem has no ecstasy and that's very bad because I think the poem is insane and the poet was as well in an insane mood. NO OFFENSE. Maybe thats how the poem was actually meant to be written and that's not all of it because the structure of the poem is not nice and I can't start typing your errors. One thing I have observed as a poet is that the way you write,arrange and spell words are as important as the diction, style and language you try to choose.
If you would go with me, I think you need to walk on your spellings and alphabetical letterings as they do not appear nice. Maybe that's one's your choice but again, every poem should be able to reflect its true and original content.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discriminate against your work, no I'm not but you would follow up with what have said, you would do a lot more better.
Anyways, the poem is nice and it's benevolency reflects on the poem.




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52 Reviews


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Reviews: 52

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Mon Apr 05, 2021 8:55 pm
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JoyDark wrote a review...



Hey! I guess I’ll review this.

I think I actually can relate to this. It kinda of reminds me of intrusive thoughts, but also following up on those intrusive thoughts? Or maybe just having them—violent ones, where the world around you is like a piece of paper, ripe for the shredding.

You portrayed these ideas in a really cool way. I love the decomposing lettering and sentences to match the degradation of the narrator’s vision of their sanity. At first, the sentences have capital letters and punctuation, but by the end the poem the letters are scrambled and barely comprehensible. It’s definitely a fitting format for the subject of this poem.

Speaking of the subject, I won’t say everyone will relate to it. But the way you portray it here helps the readers understand. Slowly, the narrator is distorted into a monster-shaped thing as the writing and language is distorted. The last line kind of binds it all together—it brings us back the distortion to remind us this narrator is human, too, and trying to understand their sometimes strange actions and thinking. That last line anchors the poem, and I think that it completes the poem nicely.

Overall—I like this piece, I actually relate to it, and the format you’ve written it in really conveys the subject matter to the reader effectively. Criticisms? I don’t know if I have any. Read this as you will, and send me a DM if you wanna chat about any of this. (It kinda seems like this is about you, that’s why I ask. Like I said, I think I might be able to relate on a certain level. ?)




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Mon Apr 05, 2021 9:53 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hello!! Here for a review!!! I guess it's the first work of yours I am reviewing!

Nitpicks:

Tell me everything I've done, and tell if their weird

Don't you think their will be they are? Or that is a demonstration of a person being insane.

There were many other spelling mistakes through out thr poem. I deduce it's a way to show that the person's head has gone deranged. I really appreciate this way to show it. Your descriptions were beyond words. You put up an actual image of those innocent people who do many surreptitious things without knowing. You described how they are being looked by the present society. It proves what a mental disorder can do!!!!

Overall, it's an awesome one. Loved it!! Keep writing!

~Forever




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Mon Apr 05, 2021 9:33 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi FireEyes,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This is a great, creepy and eerie poem. It really gave me that feeling of being with a psychopath in many passages. If that was the effect, it was completely successful.

Everything I say is incoherent or downright incomprehensible
Weird obsessions and crazy people fill my mind


This and the next two lines seem to be the most "normal" thing in the whole poem, since many people are interested in the dark side of humanity (if you can still call it humanity). I therefore find it a clever start to fall into the extreme.

watching my sister as she slept quietly in the morning
keeping an eye on everyone, and I mean everyone


I find it exciting how you switch from a point about serial killers back to a still very blatant way of observing the sister. It makes me very uncomfortable.

From the third stanza onwards, one notices a distinct loss of "common sense" through the effect of inserting spelling mistakes to emphasise this. At first I thought it wasn't part of the actual text and its meaning, but it becomes a bit clearer towards the end. I might have put something in there to make it more recognisable. Just between the two stanzas a short note that you suddenly notice how the narrator seems partly confused and changed. (I don't know how to describe it, maybe like a light bulb going off).
In the transition to the last stanzas, you finally notice that the narrator has completely lost all sense. You manage that very well, but I don't know to what extent the missing letters couldn't have been better replaced by the non-constant upper and lower case. Sometimes it was a bit hard to read.

The last sentence seems like an ending after a person has killed someone or done something else out of sheer rage, and suddenly the person comes back to his senses and can't remember anything.

I thought the poem was very good and gave me chills. Apart from my initial confusion with the provoked spelling mistakes, (where I don't know how other readers will see it) I thought the poem was very good!

Mailice.





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