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Warped Sonnetium

by EmeraldEyes


Dancing silhouettes of a madman

I think in poetry sometimes but can't speak it

Articulate jibberish in fact

More so when in love

Cliches by the dirty dozen

Pout out over my tongue

Faster than a lightning bolt.


I'd hold the corpse and gyrate around

Until its shadow faded and only

The hearty meat was left

But biting into nothing was self-deprecating

About an invisible girl dead at night

Making wrist tracks and headaches

And I end up in the asylum. 


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279 Reviews


Points: 40
Reviews: 279

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Tue Jul 08, 2014 1:04 pm
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MasterGrieves wrote a review...



Hey hun :) I am here to review these poems of yours. They are very good, in a nutshell. :)

So, I like the combination of the words sonnet (i.e. 14 lines) and sanitorium in the title. It definitely hints at the concept of the piece, that being mental illness. As this is a short work, a million interpretations flourish in my mind.

Dancing silhouettes of a madman

I think in poetry sometimes but can't speak it

Articulate jibberish in fact

More so when in love

Cliches by the dirty dozen

Pout out over my tongue

Faster than a lightning bolt.


If we look at this stanza alone, we can get a sense that this person is...well, insane. Even when in love, they try and fit in too well, by uttering "cliches by the dirty dozen", showing how hard it is for them to integrate into society. I like the addition of the "lightning bolt", used to emphasise their frantic mind and mood swings (I say mood swings because I can assume that it comes along with being 'insane').

Now, the next stanza is a bit more complicated to work out, but that is not in any way a nitpick.

I'd hold the corpse and gyrate around

Until its shadow faded and only

The hearty meat was left

But biting into nothing was self-deprecating

About an invisible girl dead at night

Making wrist tracks and headaches

And I end up in the asylum.


The first line reminds me of the part in the Romeo & Juliet ballet, when he is dancing with her "corpse", as "gyrate" would suggest. I can assume the "invisible girl" is the narrator addressing themselves, and they take a liking in self-harming, "making wrist tracks and headaches". I assume the "headaches" are to herself? Or to others? Either way, this poem has a negative message, but that doesn't alter my opinion of this work. :)

I love you <3




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Sun Jul 06, 2014 12:59 am
r4p17 wrote a review...



Knight r4 here to review this poem, Emerald. When I so this work standing virtually unchallenged in the Green Room I decided to ride up and challenge it. I certainly hope this helps. Just note before I start reviewing that I don't normally take on poetry

Cliches by the dirty dozen

Pout out over my tongue

Faster than a lightning bolt.
When I read this stanza, and these three lines in particular, I get the feeling you just wrote down random things when they came to mind. I'm not quite sure what this has to do with narrative. Did you just pick a random genre or what?

Now I will give you one good thing. The first and the last lines of the poem were consistent with each other. The third line of the poem sort of makes sense with those two lines as well.

I think the best way I could describe this poem is an extremely confusing hodge-podge of words thrown together to make sense as an individual line though not as a stanza or poem.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but I honestly canNOT figure out what any of this is supposed to mean, with the exception of the madman part. Therefore, I can't really say you did a good job, or even a horrible job, because I'm not sure what most of this was supposed to mean. I think you should work on your poetry some more. Sorry for the bad review. Happy writing!!! :D

Ps. I think that you should try writing something other than poetry. It doesn't seem to fit you.




EmeraldEyes says...


Thanks for the review. However, I will continue to write poetry because I like it. If you don't like it, you're more than welcome to not read it. Thanks!



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Sat Jul 05, 2014 9:09 pm
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MargoSeuss wrote a review...



Hello, Emerald Eyes. This is Margo here for a review.

You have some really great lines here. "Making wrist tracks and headaches," dancing siloutettes of a madman." Very eerie. You did an excellent job of portraing this dark atmosphere. Insanity was definetly the air that I got.

I'm a bit of a literal type, so it may just be me when I say that I didn't understand some parts of this. What came to mind when I read this was the story of a madman who is in love. He speaks in jibberish when he is in love, therefore not flattering the fair maiden, and then he murders her and dances with her corpse. He later ends up in an asylum. I feel as though this poem goes deeper than what I have managed to grasp. Please let me know if it does!

One line I think you should re word is "I think in poetry sometimes but can't speak it." It seems a little long and doesn't flow with the rest of the first stanza. Try something like "I think like a poet, but a poet I am not," or, "my thoughts are poetry; but my tongue fails me."

Writing is an experimental process. Remember, a good work is never finished.




EmeraldEyes says...


There is more to it, I can PM you my meaning if ya want? :D



MargoSeuss says...


Sure! Apologies for my daft insight. I'm kinda lame when it comes to deciphering symbolism and all that yahoo.




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That, sir, is the most frightening battlefield in the world: the blank page.
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