Grainy fields
Left splattered with blood
You can’t interpret
The power it wields
To see the façade
Of the broken dogs
Who lay there in ashes
But for them we’ll still applaud
These poppy stains
Won’t wash this time
Armour’s left unworn
Scattered with remnants of brains
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This got me chills, but I feel as if it could have a smoother flow to it.
I love your style of poems that i've read. This is another great poem and I hope you continue writing like this because its great.
"Grainy fields
Left splattered with blood"
- You give some great imagery here. As soon as I read these two lines I was straight in the poem painting the picture as it happened.
"You can't interpret
The power it wields"
- Here you show great understanding of what the picture resembles.
" To see the façade
Of the broken dogs
Who lay there in ashes
But for them we’ll still applaud"
- Again these lines just carry so much emotion as you are picturing the ashes of dead dogs and that saddens me seeing hurt animals.
"These poppy stains
Won’t wash this time"
- This line I think shows the determination behind families and others associated with the devistation of the war.
"Armour’s left unworn
Scattered with remnants of brains"
- I think that to me this breaks up the poem as it had a good flow when reading through it but these lines dont fit in as much to the flow but it's not a bad line as it still creates that image in your head but I doesnt flow as much for me.
Overall great poem. Again Im not good for the technical aspects but I thought it was a great poem.
Hey there! Scarlet here too review!
I personally love this poem, the sound/feel/though of war, gets my blood pumping. Everyone loves a little adventure right?
I have a few nitpicks though.
This part tips the entire poem, something with the words used doesn't fit.
Maybe try removing the word 'only'. It throws off the flow of the poem.
When your writing a poem you need it to flow freely not get clogged up with unnecessary words.
See how clean that is? It flows freely and without struggle.
At first this tripped me up, the first thing I noticed was the word Armour. I thought it was misspelled because Armour is actually spelled 2 ways. Confusing right?
I read the last line 'Scattered with remnants of brains' my first reaction was 'Ew!'
Haha, that's a good thing, It got my attention and a decent reaction.
I have to say my favorite part in the entire poem is probably....
This flows well and It's meaningful and beautifully worded. This gave me chills when I read it and gave me an open picture of the scenery in this poem.
Great Job! Keep writing!
With love, Scarlet; Scout of the Sycamore Cabin
Only is gone.
Thanks for your help and the review