She breaks down in the ocean
A poet lost in motion
Whist the taps still run
So evaporates her fun
Til the stranglehold's done
And it's over.
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Canary word: Present
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Though this poem is a short one, I have to admit that I was locked onto it until the very end when it finished. The description of the swimmer in the ocean gave me chills in all places. I can actually feel the narrator going through the actions of the poem. When the swimmer hits the ocean’s surface, the feel the water spraying in my face. I can feel the cold as I’m trying to fight the current. Then, I can imagine not reaching the surface and how scary that is. There’s a short film in this poem if it’s possible. I love it. There are a few poets who write poems like this, and I’m glad that you wrote it for us. Nicely done.
Hi, EmeraldEyes. This is Pinkie here for a short review.
This is great poem, good ma'am. You brought a lot of emotions into this piece of writing. You gave the descriptions of a girl is drowning in the ocean. I can see her in my head when I read this wonderful masterpiece. The rhymes are great which it made this poem flows very well. Also, I did see any errors on here which it is a good thing. Well, I know this is very short, but I hope you like it. I enjoyed this poem very much. I hope you write more poems. Have a fine day!
Wonderful Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
Knight r4 here for another review, Emerald. I certainly hope this helps you.
Well I think that is it. Bye
Just to let you knew this is probably going to be a short review, though it might just end up being longer than the poem itself. Hehehe!
I liked how you coordinated your rhymes, though in the last two lines you didn't have any ryhmes. However I am I little confused by the third, fourth, and fifth lines.
I think that it is about a drowning poet which sounds kind of sad though I can't quite tell with all the poetic language woven into it.
Well I guess all I have to say is that this is kind of a sad poem, so I I won't say happy writing. Rather just KEEP WRITING!!!
Just going to offer small review here. I dont have a good technical ability so I cant judge that.
I like the idea you have gone with some of the poems I have read from you. It's a good poem and it's quite good for the emotion behind it ( if I'm reading it right).
I think the poem flows well but I think it could have sounded better at the end without the "And" but it does not impact the poem.
As far as technical faults I dont have a clue so sorry im no help there if you needed it. Overall I really like the poem and how quick the emotion is passed to the reader.