Round and round she goes, twirling like a butterfly.
her graceful are leaps like the flight of doves,
all of the spotlight is on her, the remainder of the stage, a black void.
In their seats, they wonder – will she slip? Will she fall?
The tips of her toes, they barely scrape the stage
but she glides on it as effortlessly as a penguin on ice.
She looks magnificent, angelic -
her rose-blonde hair is in a bun, with white ribbon tied around the edge.
Her white and gold tutu and leotard clothe her like a princess
just as she dreamed when she was four.
Here, dressed like this and dancing her heart away
is when she only really feels alive.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,581 Literary Works • 673,530 Reviews
I really like this poem. The way you capture the essence of the ballerina is lovely. There are a few gramatical errors that I noticed but I think everyone else mentioned them; there is no sense in repeating something that has already been said. Keep writing! It's beautiful!!
-Kels
Wonderful. It made me really want to see a ballerina dance in person. The imagery was, I thought, amazing. "The Ballerina" was really wonderful. Sorry if this isn't a very constructive review. I just can't believe how such a short poem really made me want to experience the moments in this poem myself. Great job.
~ Me
I think I'm just getting grumpy at reviews... growl. But this piece could have used a little bit of improvement. I totally agree with Smyling on all counts. It just needs a bit more description and one of the sentences is a bit wonky. Other than that its good =]
Beautiful poem. There's so much imagery in it and I could really feel her motion and see what was happening.
I didn't really like the style. You didn't seem to have anything special for your stanzas and they were just kind of there. Try splitting them up a bit. And I really didn't like how you had one big block and then suddenly a tiny block. It didn't give it a very poem look to it. I know poetry is a form of art and maybe you meant for it to be that way or you just didn't think about it, but I just don't think it's very pretty to look at.
It seems there should be a comma here. I could be wrong but when I read it my mind natrually paused after away:)
Great use of similies and sounds. It's was so beautiful and every line just made me feel like I was actually standing in the very room.
I would suggest making a new stanza after
because you're talking about her figure and then you're suddenly talking about how she looks on the outside. Just a suggestion:)
But overall great work! *Clicks Like*
I feel like the line Her rose-blonde hair is in a bun, with white ribbon tied around the edge, should be broken into two lines.
You portrayed the ballerina as an incredibly elegant dancer and it seems like you've effortlessly written a really good poem.
hey.... I really liked your poem...It was nice...first of its kind that I have read... the flow did break at a few points and needs slight improvement...but it will do without them....Keep writing...
I think this poem was a beautiful idea, but there were some flaws in your writing. Things that simply disrupted the flow of it. But I feel they were easily fixable! So no worries.
First off, this was one of the things I caught:
This sentence confused me. It should have either been, "...graceful are her leaps, like the flight of doves," or "...her graceful leaps, like the flight of doves,"
Also, this other part after it:
Something just sounds... -stiff. Maybe if you made it, "..the entire spot-lite is on her, the remainder of the stage, a black void.." But this is simply my own opinion. Oh, and the way I spelled "spot-lite" is the way I think you're suppose to spell it. At least I'm pretty sure. Grammar can be such a tedious thing too!
At the end, I think you should have made it, "is when she truly feels alive". But the poem overall seemed nice to me. You captured something very pretty here.