[this is just a poem based off the myth of Calypso. Read and enjoy!]
Oh, darling, there you are --
what terrors have you faced?
your hands are bruised, blooded.
I feel each shallow breath,
but it's okay.
Take my hand and I'll get you to a bed,
a quiet place for you to rest and heal.
Please don't cry;
I don't know if I can bear it.
I can't imagine what you've been through,
but see the glittering sand, the turquoise waves
and blooming vegetation --
I call this all my home,
here eternal peace and comfort are yours;
please don't ever leave.
I couldn't be alone again
now that I've met you.
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139,444 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Hiya! I'm here, at last, for a review!
I wanted to review this so badly because I'm quite familiar with the myth of the nymph Calypso. I love history, especially Greek and Roman mythology. Tell me if I've got this right: Calypo guarded Odysesseus on the island he was imprisoned on, I think.
Anyway, onto a review!
There's no denying that this was a well-written piece. Your prose is pretty and attuned and flows very smoothly and in a rather lovely fashion. I liked the layout of the poem, too.
My biggest problem with this poem is the fact that it seemingly has little direction. Don't get me wrong, you've been imaginative and have written this from the mind of Calypso. However, I have no reason to feel this poem special or emotive. As I said earlier, it was, in my opinion, a little purposeless. It's not even as though you've scoured the original tale and have made a witty observation; you've just told of your feeling when you discovered Odysseues. Sure, it was different and unique, but not special or powerful.
I think I know the style you are going for here: you want to achive a 'illiad' or 'odessey' feel, right? If I'm wrong, I do apologise. However, if this was your aspiration, then I don't feel you've pulled it off sucessfully, sad to say. It's as though the poem had no skeleton. It was empty and meaningless, and left me feeling, well, nothing. There was nothing to hold the poem up, for it to pack a deep punch.
Okay, so, in the last stanza you say:
Why? What made her feel so lonely? How did she find ultimate comfort in Odysseus? Don't just tell us, show us. Pour out Calypso's feelings; make your reader sympatize; make Calypso a deep, relateable character. It's as though, certainly with the last stanza, you couldn't figure out what to put, and got a little bit lazy, and just settled for boring old words which possess little emotion. The words came from your head, not your heart.
Anyway, I hope this review helped. I'm not sure if I have offered you any advice, really; I guess I've just rambled! Thanks, and I look forward to reading more from you. Nice to meet you, and happy writing and reviewing.
~ Until the next time
Amelia
Saving a review spot!
I think the biggest bump this poem has is I have to know what calypso is all about in order to really understand the poem... So from there, I Can only read it with my own mind. I don't feel like looking up calypso just to understand the poem.
On its own then, it's kind of lack luster. Pretty words, a pretty beach, a love... but why? Why the love? Who is the man? Where was he found? why is he so near death?
I'm sure knowing Calypso would answer all these questions for me, but that's the thing... If I have to ask these questions, it's faulty. Writing a poem based on another work is sticky for that reason. The person needs to know what you're writing about. If they don't, the poem is empty. Perhaps you should make the poem strong and full, whether the reader knows calypso or not.
Well I thought this was pretty good. It was sweet in a weird sort of way; I've got to say though, I can't remember much about the Calypso myth, so I can't be much of a judge on that or this story's references to it. All the same, I thought this was a nice poem.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver