Young Writers Society

"His prejudice got shattered when he discovered a lefty friend,
This poor guy had suffered for supporting an immoral trend!

It’s illegal by law, it’s against every religion,
Living in peace and harmony is kind of a delusion.

He read many articles, he discovered scientific proofs,
The tall claims he had once made were full of logical goofs!

By now the boy had realized that lefties were actually right,
The problem was ignorance, which had stirred this baseless fight.

The nature in itself isn't always right.
Knowledge and humility is the solution for this plight.

Kindness and goodness will end this war one day.
The world will cheer for them and the lefties would be gay!"

Wow!. It is good I read it because the title was like that and i am a leftie, but it is amazing. Are you a left handed writer?

Really old work, but hey, I'll give my comment on it...

I actually took it as a left vs. right political message, rather than a question of left-handedness. Didn't realize it was about actual left-handed people until after I read the comments and reviews.

Funny, eh...? But yes, pretty much what others have said. Needs stricter meter, I don't entirely agree with the message at HAND (clever...), but there you go.

I am left-handed and I love this poem!

I do appreciate your efforts.... but i guess you need to put on some improvements

Though I am by no means a poet, I have a few criticisms for you:

1. Religion does not rhyme with delusion.

2. There isn't much of a rhythm to this poem. As I said, I have very limited knowledge of how poems are supposed to work but I would personally have kept a more consistent number of syllables.

3. The metaphor here is very heavy-handed. I feel that it is more acceptable to be this direct in poetry than in prose, but it seems that you only wanted the meaning of the metaphor to click when the reader reaches the word "gay" (which I thought was actually pretty clever). If the poem had worked this way it would have been much more persuasive.

4. You repeated the idea that being "lefty" is evil too much. This contributes to point #3 as well.

5. This one might be on me but the line "The nature in itself isn't always right" doesn't make much sense. You may want to to revise that, but I might just be stupid *shrug*.

Anyways, other than the problems I outlined, this was a pretty solid showing. I don't personally agree with you politically, but hey, you do you man. Next to other things I've seen, this was comparably tactful, which is important when discussing touchy subjects like homosexuality.

Generic but good rhyme scheme

Fact: the French had a word which meant "left handed " and they used it to insult people in the earlier centuries.

Marvellous poem! I like how your poems go against the prejudiced society issues and defend the rights of the oppressed. Thanks for raising awareness! I especially like these lines:

"By now the boy had realized that lefties were actually right,
The problem was ignorance, which had stirred this baseless fight".

Ignorance is what's the core of most problems!

keep it up!


Mist

Fun Fact: In the Renaissance, Lefties were actually considered unnatural or even evil. Just wanted to point that out. XD

This is my favorite poem ever. I just thought you should know.

Too be honest. I really had no idea that there was no hidden underlining message. I actually thought that you were being political. By using the terms lefties to liberals and for far-left political people with righties for right-winged conservatives. You know, the whole Democrats vs. Republicans thing.

It is only be reading the comments below that I realised otherwise and that you were using right and left in terms of people's hands. Maybe that should have been clearer? However certain others clearly picked up on this so maybe I'm wrong.

Apart from this I don't have anything to say about the actual message. My comment really was just the above.

MrTalljoker here, to be a total prick:

Just to get this out of the way, when I was done reading this, that one Bo Burnham joke kept coming up in my head about the circles and the squares.

"GET OUT OF HERE ROUNDYS!"

"But why squares?"

"Because this is a metaphor for racism!"

Just a random thought.

Anyways to your piece. I like it, it's nice, light piece. Obviously talking about bigotry in society through a less gruesome picture of it. The technique has been done just a little over a million times, and for good reason. It's fun and it reaches a wider audience that way. Now I don't know if you meant this, but I get a very strong vibe that this is influenced by Dr. Seuss, which to me is a very good thing. It has a very rhythmic and bouncing vibe to it, and is on the whole well structured and worded.

However, there were a few points when a word choice just didn't work for me. They are:

"“Lefties represent weakness, they are unnatural,” he declared
Being a southpaw is an illness, their rights should be debarred"
To tell you the truth, and I know I'm being a bad critic for this, I just can't tell you why I dislike the rhyme here. I know that technically, 'declared' and 'debarred' do rhyme, but they just aren't a pleasant sounding rhyme. I understand what you were doing, but to me the rhyme was just stretched too thin. Maybe try rhyming 'declared' with impaired.

"His prejudice got shattered when he discovered a lefty friend,"
My main problem with this line is the word 'got', it just is such an ugly little wart in a good line. I'd suggest: "His prejudice was shattered when he discovered a lefty friend,". I actually had a similar problem with the next line.

"This poor guy had suffered for supporting an immoral trend!"
The word I dislike in this is 'guy', again it's for similar reasons as before, just breaks up the flow of the sentence. I'd try to use something like 'boy', that word's sounds better with the sentence.

"It’s illegal by law, it’s against every religion,
Living in peace and harmony is kind of a delusion."
Same thing with the first example, I don't like the rhyme 'religion' and 'delusion', same reasons as before, just doesn't tie up well, doesn't deliver a real punch like the others you have. I'd try 'religion' and superstition.

"By now the boy had realized that lefties were actually right,
The problem was ignorance, which had stirred this baseless fight."
Last note, I promise. I actually like this line, but the next line creates a problem for me. "The nature in itself isn't always right," they both start the rhyme with 'right', and since they're one after another, it just sound repetitious. Since I like the 2nd to last line and it's rhyme so much, I would suggest changing the 3rd to last. I thought maybe this would work better: "By now the boy had realized, lefties were not black and white, The problem was ignorance that had stirred this baseless fight."

I do want to tell you, that I don't mean to come off as a nit picking a-hole, and I do want to make clear, that I like this work, it's fun, it's light, it has a lot of heart in it. But being a poem, you always have to not only tell a good story or show a meaningful purpose, but also make the words flow together like a song, a dance of sounds if you would, what hits the ear just right. You obviously know how to do that, a lot of rhymes in this work and work well, I'm just pointing out the things I don't think do as well.

But, again, this is a lovable piece that deserves the attention it's getting. I'll be reading more of your work in the near future.
Sincerely,
MrTalljoker

Well, I'm here to say, not all lefties are in fact gay. I here am a lefty and that's just great.

I like this poem, it could use work but I still like it. xD



(just wanted to comment.)

This is an awesome thing to read well you feel sad, or angry, or just need a laugh entirely! This is very well written, it has a funny idea to it, it is a hilarious point. I like how he compares lefties to being gay, because both are uncommon in this world. However, I am a lefty, (actually ambidextrous) and at first thought you were saying that lefties are all gay (homosexual) in which I felt offended. Beside that point, I love this and will definitely recommend it!!

Hello DrFeelGood,

I'm Cam, it's review time! I've been gone awhile so be patient here.

I absolutely loved this work. I made me smile and laugh as I read it. I needed a good laugh today and this definitly topped the chart. I had no trouble reading it. All your grammar was very good, as poems often are since it is the authors choice on much of it. You did a perfect job of comparing being left handed to being gay. The one and only thing I would change is the use of the word "gay" in the last line. I feel like it kind of took away from the satirical side of the poem, even though you are using it in the other context of the word, meaning "happy".

Just my thoughts and advice, great job! Keep writing

--Cam

Daww, it's really good!! XD

I support the "message" of your poem!

This is just beyond amazing. I love it. It is very captivating to read. I love the title and how you started the poem. I can see the feelings on the poem. It was just awesome and great overall. Keep up your great work.

Heya, DrFeelGood! Wisegirl22 here to review your work!

The title should be capitalized correctly. "The Boy Who Hated "Lefties" is more like it. I've also noticed your italics are completely out of control. You have too much. And, capitalization on each line is a problem too. And, in the first line of the section I copied and pasted, shouldn't there be quotation marks around it, since this guy is saying it? I'm also commenting on how some of the syllables don't work, and I was tripped up while reading this because I was confused on how well your syllables fused together. Also I don't think "debarred" rhymes with "declared". What exactly is a southpaw? Some people might not know what that is. So here's the edited version of this part.

""We dominate the world, we represent the mighty!"

“Lefties represent weakness, they are unnatural,” he declared
Being a leftie is a disease, they shouldn't be allowed..."

I noticed you have a punctuation problem here. You should put more periods and quotation marks where they should be, instead of putting commas everywhere. Lack of punctuation makes it look sloppy, and I don't think that's too good. The last few lines are a bit confusing, but I got the right message of your poem (I think) and I was sincerely impressed by your rhyming and the poem overall! Good job!

-wisegirl22

This is tremendously clever. I'm impressed

I love this... It's perfect

Yeah i agree, i like it. it is different and different is typically good. With comparing homosexuality to being left handed is awesome to me. Apparently not to others? It is different and "weird" to be left handed as the same to like he same sex so i understand you completely on that and the fact that you wanted to be lighter on the subject that is in the ultimate question right now. It makes people think, and that's what you want to happen. Also, you shouldn't have to explain yourself to these people that are hating on it.

So, my first thoughts.
The poem flows rather well, one sentence leads in to each other and I can definitely imagine it being performed, which in my opinion is the purpose of poetry.
however, I must agree with emeraldfox, it feels rather forced and silly to use the use of one hand over the other as a reason for hate. I think if you are going down this route you must at least give example of who has hated lefties (because I know some have) and why they did. Otherwise it strikes the reader as something unexplainable, especially if they do not know the history of bias against left handedness.
If, as emeraldfox suggests you are using it to express disgust at homophobia etc, perhaps you could dedicate a line or two towards this at the end?
That being said, it really does read well and it humorous at the same time as being thought provoking. Job well done Sir/madame

I liked the meaning of this poem a lot! It showed how ridiculous it is that the LGBTQ+ community isn't accepted, even though they can't control who they love. The metaphor of being left-handed is similar only because you don't really choose to be left-handed. The only thing is, I didn't think being left-handed was the best analogy to use. This is because you can train yourself to be right-handed, but you can't train yourself to be straight. I also thought if you had just wrote the poem using the words "gay" and "straight" instead of "left-handed" and "right-handed," you may have made your point stronger. I thought that in the fifth stanza, the rhyme wasn't as strong as it was in the other stanzas. But otherwise, I really liked this poem. It had a good meter and message!

This isn't a bad poem, but this feels forced and silly. Handedness and homophobia?

Well this was cute, really! I found it sort of humorous how left and right handed was compared to homosexuality, and how our fellow protagonist learned that hands are hands, no matter what! (You have no idea how cheesy and oddly happy I was after reading this) It was like one of those cute quick poems you'd read as a child, you know? I also really liked how cute some of the rhymes were, along with the pun at the end.

My only nitpick; some of the lines don't really rhyme, and others are worded in a way that jarrs the quick reading to it.

Even so, I still found this to be pretty cute and adorable.

Hi! Just to leave a comment.

Firstly, I'd just like to say that this made me extremely upset. For one, I'm a lefty. For another, I'm against gayness in every shape and form. Going off of that, I'd like to say that being left-handed is absolutely nothing in comparison to being gay. Using a different hand to eat with isn't anything when compared to marrying the same sex. This poem made me very angry, especially the fact that somebody would associate something that I am, to being gay.

Sorry, I can't like as this is against my religion.

Thank you.

Here to review!

I am a lefty, so this kind of applies to me. I like it. However, the story seems to jump around a lot. The vocabulary was good, not too hard to understand. But, as said, the punctuation is a little erratic. I believe you could have done better with syllables, because some lines have a lot more than others. Overall, a good poem, but could use some work.

To quote Benedict from Much Ado About Nothing, "There's a double meaning in that."
Firstly, your punctuation seems rather erratic. You vary wether you put a full stop at the end of your stanzas, and in general your placement appears inconsistent.
I am happy to say however that this is the only real flaw I can see with this work. There are a couple of rhymes that could be better, methinks the last especially, and you might want to try syllable counting because a couple of lines seem a little on the long side, but really there was very little to criticize about this piece.
Just as a general piece of advice, make your better rhyme your second. For instance here Proofs seems a better rhyme than Goofs, so switch their places.
Yours in reviewing,
Take That You Fiend