Your beauty unparalleled by any mortal man,
Tis on par with the radiant Lucifer himself.
But oh my dear how you dont know that, Lucifer was more of a woman than ever a man.
So if you think you can get by with those lies...
Remember that witches worshiped Satan before any man did.
There's a reason we hold more power than a man ever could.
It's the same reason man have suppressed and feared us through the centuries.
Cause while you're controlled by lust and greed,
There's nothing that you can do to control us.
So love when I tell you I love you, know...
That those words could never be emptier,
Than if they dripped from Lucifer's own lips
And on to your thirsty begging heart.
Because darling I'm a witch,
Who you just made your Queen.
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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
EverLight here with a review! This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned you may feel offended anyway.
Nitpicks & Grammar
Here you forgot an apostrophe-
That should be written like this-
I'm not sure this sentence reads well with the word have-
Style & Flow
This flows pretty well actually. But there was a line that could have been better written-
Try writing it this way-
But oh my dear, Lucifer was more woman then he ever was a man[/quote]
Over all this was a true peace of artistry with intresting ideas.
EverLight Out
Omg, I just want to start this review by saying that this is most definitely art. I love the picture you painted of witches -- the comparison to Lucifer as a good thing rather than anything evil or impure is amazing to me. This is literally one of the better poems (if you can classify it as one.. I just love everything about it) that I've read, and the topic you speak about is so fascinating to me.
This set of lines sticks out to me in particular:
"..So love when I tell you I love you, know.. / That those words could never be emptier, / Than if they dripped from Lucifer's own lips"
Like, wow. The idea of love, such a strong emotion, being thrown around and manipulated by someone is just so powerful to me, and again, I love the use of Lucifer throughout this piece. I have always thought witches were fascinating (both in the real world and in all the movies/TV shows/etc.), and this poem really solidifies the unforgiving nature of not just witches but so many women as a whole.
"Remember that witches worshiped Satan before any man did."
Maybe I just have some underlying obsession with religious poems (or, rather, the more "evil" aspects of religion), but lines like this stand out to me a lot.
To put it simply: 10/10 poem, love it and will probably come back to read it again. Amazing job. Write on!!
Wow! Really good word choice. I love how it all flows together too. Everything is true in this work of art
Interesting, I never really thought about witches that way before. I like your choice of words, and the formatt is simple but appealing. I like how the last line says that we just made a witch our queen, I think it's a metaphor, but I haven't figured out about what yet. I don't know who Lucifer is but i think i’ll look him up on google. Keep writing poems, I love em. Keep up the good work.