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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
I think that this is a really good poem. Granted, there are always things that can be improved upon, but the reason this caught my eye is because of the content. As a person who recently made a new friend after having a painful experience with another friend, I could particularly relate to this. I think all of the words you used are just fine, but I agree with Pigeon's comment on how it's structured. The question marks do tend to clutter up the poem a bit. I wouldn't go completely without them, just trying and cutting them down would help a lot. Another thing I would agree with Pigeon on is the lines. Some of them are a bit abrupt. However, I really did not see any other problems with it. Great job with this!!
Hi there Demora. This is a neat, simple idea for a poem and I enjoyed it. There are some parts of your formatting which could be better, though.
The first thing which strikes me is that you use a lot of question marks. I understand that the point of the poem is to question, but the profusion of question marks do not look good and they make it read in a stilted way. Maybe you could cut some of them out, or merge some questions together so that less question marks are required. The other thing you could do is remove all punctuation, including capitalisation at the start of lines. No punctuation would suit this style of poem, and would make it flow more smoothly.
The main issue with your formatting is the line breaks. You are taking new lines far too often and it disrupts the flow a lot. Think about why you are taking a new line every time you do, and make sure you have a good reason for it. Also, line breaks don't always have to be at the start, middle, or end of a sentence. They should correspond to ideas more than sentences.
Someone once told me that a good way to redo your line breaks is to format your whole poem as one paragraph, with no new lines at all, and then go through and take new lines where you think you need them. I have found that this works really well.
I hope you find this helpful!
Keep writing!
- Pigeon