War

Hello there, Demora! ^^

Here I am again to review another good poem of yours! =)

I liked the idea that you used in this and the comparison between your eyes and the windows. I've always liked the quote: "Eyes are the windows to the soul." and it's nice to read a poem about it. =)

I am not quite so sure if I like all the chopped off sentences but it does give this poem something different. =) There are a few things that I would change a bit though, to make it easier to read for us readers. =)

Windows to it are my very own
Eyes

I would change this into:
"The windows to it
are my very own eyes"

Except me
And it's tearing me apart

I think it would have a better rhythm if you added "for" between "except" and "me".


Another thing that you need to work on, is adding the punctuation. It's an important part of a poem which shouldn't be forgotten. =)

A war rages outside
My bedroom window

But another war rages
In my mind and the

Windows to it are my very own
Eyes.

They are worn and distraught,
Weary and have an insane look,

Just like the outside of
My bedroom window.

All of it is chaos
But no one really notices,

Except me,
And it's tearing me apart.

These little errors are easy to fix, so don't worry! =) Thank you for sharing this with us, because it is a good poem. =)

Keep writing! ^^

-qaralynn-